Let Me Shine Like the Moon

Lord, let me shine, shine like the moon

A reflection of You in all that I do

Lord, let me be a light for Your truth

Light of the world, I wanna be used to shine for You

A beautiful New York Moon

"The Heavens declare the glory of God; And the firmament shows His handiwork."

Psalms 19:1

Initiate: Meltdown Phase

Sunday night I laid on my bed and cried for an hour. Maybe it was the build up of things, maybe it was my mind running wild or maybe it was just me being me. A simple conversation on the phone turned into an hour long discussion with tears coming down my face. Because I was on my back, all the tears had gone into my ears (weird) and I probably have swimmer's ear right now.

I got Senioritis pretty bad my Senior year of high school. I failed a couple of tests because of it (and a trip to Spain. How was I supposed to concentrate when I was flying to Europe?!). It's different this time. I trust that God will put me where He wants me so I'm not too worried about post-grad but right now I feel like the campus is imploding on me. Some days I feel lonely and other days I don't get any work done because I socialized to much. I am finding the biggest crunch to do everything/say everything/see everything before I leave. ugh.

My mental state is so unstable right now. I had myself convinced I was both depressed and had an eating disorder. That is what happens when you're on a stationary bike for an hour staring at a blank wall. I knew I was not being rational, but who wants to admit that in the moment? Good thing my parents are stuck with me because, after that meltdown, they might have wanted a break.

Sometimes I feel like the best cure would be a hug from Jesus Himself. I find myself desiring that so much, especially in the times when I am discouraged and hurting. That is what I want most right now; a hug from the Son of God. Is it that so difficult to ask? I know I know... but still, a girl can dream, right? Good thing He loves me (regardless). In the middle of my meltdown my dad quietly said "For God so loved Krissy...." and I couldn't help but feel the hope the few words provided. Yeah, life was stinking at the moment but, how bad can it be when your dad puts your name into John 3:16 and reminds you of the love that will never leave you nor forsake you (that reminder came from Hebrews 11-13...mom suggested that for some new perspective :)

"For God so loved Krissy..."

That He gave His only Begotten Son.

That whoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life.

...That is the most important thing in life.

40 Days!

40 days stand between me and Graduation!

40 DAYS.

40 years of wilderness before the promised land... Israelites.

40 days on Mount Sinai with God...Moses.

40 days of tempting (no food or water)...Jesus.

God brings good things after 40s, doesn't He?

Whatever it is, it will be the perfect thing for me.

I wish you could meet you.

I struggle from insecurities. I wish I didn't but it's something I'm working on. My biggest insecurity results from my desire to woo and have people like me. I'll often stress over if I talked to much, if I said the right thing, was I too obnoxious? etc... I have to remind myself that if people didn't like me, they wouldn't hang around. That's why they're my friends.

I must drive my friends crazy with my love of the moment but constant doubting of myself afterward. I was skyping with a friend and she knows my insecurities. I was fooling around during our skype date and she looked at me and said "Krissy, I wish you could meet you." I had never heard that before or even thought about it.

I want my friends to view them the way I view them. We seem to always have this lens over our eyes causing doubt and essentially preventing us from becoming the people we are meant to be. If we could look through different eyes and see ourselves the way the people that loves us do....imagine the confidence. imagine what we could do?!

My friends are such blessings. It's interesting comparing friends and family (though both are often very intertwined for me!). You're born into a family that eventually becomes your friends. However, you get to choose friends and they, in turn, get to choose you! My friends encourage me to be who God made me to be. I'm so thankful for these reminders of God's love and purpose for my life.

I wish I could meet Jesus and see myself through His eyes. I wish I could put my Jesus glasses on and see the world the way he sees it.

I wish you could meet you and see how wonderful you are.

Maybe we should go introduce ourselves in the mirror and see just how awesome we really are.