I'll take it!

The day after I wrote my last blog entry I received a phone call offering me a job. I almost started to cry as God, yet again, showed how much He would take care of me.

I spent the spring and summer applying and praying. But mostly waiting. When people asked me how the job search was going I would say "It's going". When, in reality, I wanted to say "I'm waiting on God. I've trusted this to Him and He hasn't failed me yet, so...why would He now?" The Bible shows God, time and time again, being faithful to His people.

We often quote Jeremiah 29:11: "For I now the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." But do you know what it says after that? I didn't for a long time and, it was when I continued reading, that I understood the magnitude of this verse.

"Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord."

It is such a promise that, if we search for Him, we will find Him. If we pray, He will listen. So I have felt like I was doing trust falls all summer. I would worry and sometimes I would give it up to Him and other times I would try to take care of things myself. I was not letting "the peace of God" (Philippians 4:7) guard my heart. So He brought me through, teaching, loving and making the way way straight. Always putting in my mind the promise that "we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28).

Today was my first day on the job, working for an insurance company. Though this is not where I thought I would be (cue Proverbs 16:9) but there is where I need to be. I'll be able to live at home, volunteer in my community and pay off my loans. And I know that it is all part of the path God is leading me on.  I'm excited to see where God leads, cause I already gave it all to Him nine years ago when I became a Christian. But I'm nervous and kind of worried (still, why? I don't know) about this new adjustment. Change is hard and full of so many uncertainties and, let me tell you, I like my certainties. Here goes another trust fall...

"Unless the Lord builds the house, They labor in vain who build it' Unless the Lord guards the city, The watchman stays awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, To sit up late, To eat the bread of sorrows; For so He gives His beloved sleep." 

Psalms 127:1-2

When God says Stay

I feel like this entire blog has been an ode to my desire to go for God. Go to Belgium? Sure God. Go to Michigan? Of course! Send me. I'm your girl, God. Just tell me where I need to go. This song has been my anthem since it came out:

Chris Tomlin's I Will Go 

Where You go, I'll go

Where You stay, I'll stay

When You move, I'll move

I will follow...

All Your ways are good

All Your ways are sure

I will trust in You alone

Higher than my sight 

High about my life

I will trust in You alone (trust in You alone)

Where you go, I'll go

Where you stay, I'll stay

When you move, I'll move

I will follow You

Who You love, I'll love

How you serve, I'll serve 

If this life I lose, I will follow You, yeah

I will follow You

Light unto the world 

Light unto my life

I will live for you alone

You're the one I seek 

Knowing I will find

All I need in you alone, in You alone

Where you go, I'll go

Where you stay, I'll stay

When you move, I'll move

I will follow You

Who You love, I'll love

How you serve, I'll serve 

If this life I lose, I will follow you, yeah

I will follow You

In You there's life everlasting 

In You there's freedom from my soul

In you there's joy, unending joy

And I will follow

Where you go, I'll go

Where you stay, I'll stay

When you move, I'll move

I will follow You

Who You love, I'll love

How you serve, I'll serve 

If this life I lose, I will follow you, yeah

I will follow You

Aren't those lyrics wonderful? A testament to my God that I will go and do whatever He bids. But a couple of days ago I was singing along with my mom in the car and with all my heart I sang "Where you go, I'll go!" but my mouth dropped open and my heart shut up as soon as I realized the next words were "Where you stay, I'll stay." Boom. Those were the words that my heart didn't want to utter. All the books say to go out of your comfort zone and see how God provides. Go and see. I had just finished a wonderful book saying the same thing and I agreed (because that is what I want).

But what do we do (what do I do) when God says stay? The lyrics convicted me of the unwillingness in my heart. I told God I would go where He sent me but I never realized that, upon graduation, He would send me back home. I was telling a friend about this dilemma and she replied that maybe being back in my home city was God telling me to go. Go home. Change the city you grew up in. But God... don't you want me in Africa?! Risking my life and taking care of forty children? Is that not want you want... God? 

I thought I would only visit my home city because no one moves back. It lacks the twenty-something age group and all there is to do at night is go out to bars. I love my family and church family, it has nothing to do with them. I just thought God wanted me more where the action was. In other countries or big cities! But God has such a wonderful way of changing hearts and mine has slowly (and let me repeat...slowly) been changing to accepting God's plan for me for today. And that is to stay. Tomorrow it may change or it might change in five years. I do not know but I know that these verses were recently put into my mind and heart for a reason:

""For my thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," 

says the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, 

So are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts. 

For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, And do not return there,

 But water the earth, And make it bring forth and bud, 

That it may give seed to the sower And bread to the eater, 

So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, But it shall accomplish what I please, And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.""

Isaiah 55:8-11

His ways and thoughts are higher than mine and I have to trust Him and know that His way is better. It is perfect. But it is difficult to tell people, when they ask what my plans are, that I don't really have plans. I made plans and God said No. But it is okay because

 "A man's heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps." Proverbs 16:9

So next time maybe, just maybe I'll sing all the words with all my heart and thank God that I am here in this city for His glory. And I just pray that I can stay in His will, wherever that may be, and worship him with every act, every word and every thought. I can be any where in the world as long as I am in His will. And it is there that I always want to be.

"The Lord will perfect that which concerns me."

Psalms 138:8

"But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord; I say, "You are my God. My times are in Your hand.""

Psalms 31:14

So I'll stay. And be thankful for the wonderful family and friends God has put in my life here, in my city. With so many blessings He just keeps making me realize how much He wants me to stay.