Letters from A broad

September 5^th marked two years of us legally being married! Though our anniversary for living together hasn’t yet hit a year, I have learned so much both being married to and living with the love of my life. Here are a few things that I have learned and I am thankful for:

Eddie hates pictures (but he took them anyway) and I have so many documented memories from my life and his while we were separated-it's a pretty remarkable compilation of a few years via imessage!

I am thankful for no more FaceTime breakfast dates. I was thankful for them but I am loving the real Face Time breakfasts!

Eddie is in his element outside and I love camping and being with him in the woods. We enjoy being dazzled by God's wonderful creation.

He's an amazing date to any wedding :)

Eddie has learned (but still doesn't understand) my love for Chik-Fil-A's peach milkshake. On our honeymoon I asked for a peach shake and they told me that it was out of season and I started crying. I couldn't help myself. He just looked at me and probably wondered what in the world he got himself into. I just really love peach milkshakes!

I loved getting flowers from him. A highlight of any day! Now he plants them and gives me a beautiful garden and I love it.

I still have my 2014 phone and I took pictures of all my old texts. I'm thankful he still misses me and now we get to have a home together!

Our first few days in our new home! I learned Eddie would rather be in the mountains than see the ocean any day. But he still goes...on special occasions.

Eddie loves his white chocolate chip cookies. An idea he came up with himself!

Khloe joined us and Eddie took such good care of her. I was so thankful to have her in our new home.

Then Eddie's dream dog, Obadiah, joined the family and he is such a sweetie.

I love my little family.

Another romp through the woods. The dogs love being outside.

He killed the turkey and then cooked it and it tasted AMAZING. Who knew he was such a great cook?? I already knew he was a great hunter :)

We learned that the rabbit hide that you're tanning needs to be brushed outside and not in the kitchen. Then rabbit fur gets everywhere.

I learned that Eddie finds egg holders so pointless that he smashes them!

It was an accident... but he does still find them pointless.

(He surprised me with another that he found on Etsy)

We've made it through a lot together and I'm thankful to have him for the good and bad times. He helped me make the choice to take care of my Khloe and do what was best for her. Our hearts broke saying good bye.

I was thankful for a move to distract me. He found us the perfect place.

Obadiah loved it too!

A man in uniform and with his dog. Can't get much cuter than this!

They work so well together.

Obadiah needed a friend and we were ready. So sweet Jedidiah joined the family.

I love our house, our yard and the porch swing. It's a perfect spot. I'm so thankful that we have a place where family and friends can visit and be blessed by the water, the air and God's beauty.

I've learned that he can sleep anywhere. The pups love it when he falls asleep on the floor.

One thing that I have really grown in while being in a relationship with Eddie is learning to make the best of my situation. I want to say "making my own happiness" but that doesn't seem right. My joy comes from God. I'm learning to embrace that joy regardless of the situation. Maybe that is the better way to describe it.

I like to feel sorry for myself sometimes. I remember complaining to Eddie that my back hurt and I wished he was with me so I could have a back rub. He wasn't being insensitive, but rather just matter of fact when he told me to just go get a massage. I could feel sorry for myself, or fix it...even if it may not be my number one choice. Eddie's taught me a lot about self-care and advocating for what I want. He can't read my mind so I have to come out and tell him. At the same time, I can't base all my happiness and fulfillment on him. That isn't fair to him. Being in a new place has been hard. I've had lonely times. But God has used them. I've also learned to reach out more and it is then when I realize I'm not so alone in my loneliness. Each person I've met and meeting has taught me something and I believe that God has His hand in all of it.

I've learned we can make any situation work. Team work makes the dream work.

I've learned more about Eddie's passions. One being wood working. He's so happy working with his hands and it's also his love language to me: doing things and making things :)

Anniversaries are special. But I'm learning that so are the days inmbetween. Actually, I think they are more special. Small things really are the special things. Like hanging out at Lowes, long drives, reading together, working together and really just being together.

Nights just being with him are the best nights.

I've learned so much from and am so thankful for these two. Sound advice and listening ears, they've encouraged us through it all and always have our back. I want our marriage to grow like theirs. I also think I married my dad and I'm okay with that :) Words can't express all the love I feel for my people in this picture.

So thankful for this man God gave me. I didn't know it was possible to love someone so deeply and yet get so frustrated with him! Marriage has been a good mirror into my own heart and I'm thankful that we get to bring out the best and work on the worst in each other.

I made him take this picture. Our rings. Our promise. 2 years later.

My favorite thing in the world is waking up next to him, having him wrap his arms around me and drifting back to sleep. I feel so safe, so content.

Love him

Our family

I pray that God continues to guide us into His plan. I pray that He'll let us be His hands and feet wherever he sends us. That when we leave a room, they will have felt the love of God in our actions and words. That we can be an answer to someone's prayers. That He will answer our prayers and cries, as best as He sees fit. That each day will draw us closer to Him and to each other. That our marriage will bring glory to Him, causing others to look up.

So thankful for all that I have and what is yet to be.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and He saves those whose spirits have been crushed."

Psalm 34:18

I wrote previously that Khloe was not doing well. There were a lot of different issues affecting her health. She had Lyme Disease, bad arthritis, a torn ACL and, in the end a growing tumor. I had been bracing myself the last couple of weeks as she was not acting her self. I was afraid that, while Eddie was away, I would come back to the apartment and find that she had passed. The last month(ish) was an emotional roller coaster as we made visits to the vet, medicated and tried to make her comfortable.

Though it sounds like a lot of pain, Khloe had an amazing life till the very end. She was so loved and so spoiled and I'm going to miss her so much. Dogs just get you. You don't have to explain or even have words for them just to come over and make you feel loved. Khloe loved being with me on the couch. At times when I was sick, she was right there helping me feel better. I wrote about my love for Khloe while I was in Belgium. You can read that post and see cute puppy pictures here. I also shared her amazing hello to me after I was gone four months. I love watching it over and over. She was the best puppy: Khloe's Hello.

It is really hard making the choice and making that last drive to the vet. Going into Monday, no one in the house slept. Khloe had kept us up that night. Eddie slept with her for a bit (we brought her into our room) but nothing seemed to help. She stopped whining as soon as it was time for us to get up. Eddie got ready to leave for a week of training and I packed up to head to my parents. It was clear that morning when Khloe started losing control of her functions that it was no longer fair to keep her in pain. Eddie and I had several talks leading up to that point but it was still so hard. I didn't want to make this choice. How could I willingly choose to make my life without Khloe? I prayed for peace and wisdom and sure enough, when the time came, I knew. We had a six hour trip a head of us. Khloe and Obadiah love the car so our trips are always great. We got stuck in three hours of traffic and the AC quit in 80 degree weather. But the pups were hydrated and in the shade. The traffic caused us to miss Khloe's "Quality of Life Assessment" appointment so it was rescheduled to Tuesday at 3:15pm.

I'm so thankful that I had that last night with Khloe. She got to hang out with her buddy Jack and see my parents. When I lived with my parents, we would take the dogs on their walk every night. Khloe was unable to walk long enough for our usual walk so we got her into a Radio Flyer wagon and took her out on the town. I sat outside with her in the grass till it was time for bed. I took a quick shower and got my cot positioned in between the three dogs. I noticed that Winston (my goldfish) was gone. He apparently died while we were on our walk and my mom took care of him as she thought it would be too much on me. The bowl shattered and sliced her hand. It was a rough couple of days! Khloe put her head on the floor right below my head on the cot and we had a great nights sleep.

The next morning was quiet as Khloe said good bye to her family. My mom took a half day and we took Khloe and Obadiah down to a beautiful boat launch by the river. She frolicked in the river, laid in the sun and had a great afternoon. I don't know why this has been stuck in my mind, but there was a picnic going on at the boat launch and an older gentleman came up and was asking what was wrong with Khloe. I was straight forward and told him we were about to take her to have her put down. He was so sweet. Just saying that to him helped me somehow. He was limping just like Khloe (bad leg I think) and he laughed and said "I'm just like your dog!". I laughed. Don't know why. It was like he normalized it for me. Like this "getting older" and "leaving this world" thing was a normal part of life.

We dropped Obadiah off and took a long drive which ended at the vet. I was sick. Khloe always hated going there. She was also very dramatic so, of course, why would that visit have been any different!? I was carrying her and she didn't want to be there so she started pushing against me and peeing on me. My mom turned around and was coming to me as I tried my best not to drop my 60 pound long dog. Just before Khloe was about to drop the vet flew from around the corner and scooped her up saying "I got you Khloe girl" (my heart...Dr. Delaney has always been so good to us). We had our own room and our own time with her. I gave her butter and told her how much I loved her and thanked her for being the best puppy I could've asked for. The whole room (my mom, the vet tech, the vet and I) all cried as Khloe breathed her last. It was peaceful. It was best for her. But boy do I sure wish I could've had her longer.

Khloe has always been my little girl. Always so happy to see me. Always willing to just be there with me. She is a friend that I'll always miss. But I am so thankful for so much. I am thankful that she was mine. Thankful for our time in New Hampshire together. Thankful we had a great last day and she wasn't in a lot of pain on that last day. Thankful for a vet who cries. Thankful for a mom who held it together when I couldn't. Who prayed with me outside the vet as my heart was breaking. Who sat with me and let me mourn my way: going to the laundry mat and taking care of things. I cried a lot before Khloe died and a lot after. I was worried about making the right choice. When all was said and done, there was a little relief. Relief in the fact that the vet verified that this was best for Khloe. Relief that she wasn't in pain. Relief that the choice was made.

That first walk with the other dogs is always the hardest. After we had Petey put down four years ago I remember laying in bed and my mom coming in and asking if I would like to take Khloe and Jack for a walk. I told her I couldn't as I was missing Petey too much. She told me I needed to get up for my other pups and she was right. I remembered that conversation as I held Obadiah's leash and mourned for my Khloe.

I'll always miss her but I'm so glad that she is mine to miss.

If I were to write an Obituary for Khloe it would go something like this:

Khloe

"Klo Klo, Kloster, Short-Long

March 27, 2008-June 13, 2017

Khloe was the sweetest dog who loved her family greatly. She loved long walks and sticks of butter. Her pup family throughout the years included Molly, Petey, Jack and Obadiah.

She loved sleeping in the sun and had a knack for finding any place comfortable to sleep, whether it be a bed, the couch or a basket of clean towels.

She hated the rain and was the biggest diva when she was around water.

She was an expert at tricking Jack so she could take his spot. She loved her bed. She loved sleeping; as any proper hound would.

She gave great kisses and hugs and loved massages.

She was the best greeter whenever her family came home.

She protected her momma on more than one occasion.

She made the home brighter and sweeter. She was a comfort in dark, lonely times.

She will be missed everyday.

I love you Khloe, thanks for making the last nine years with you so wonderful.

I hope when I get to my mansion in Heaven, you're waiting for me in the front yard.