But then, split the poster in half and the other side would consist of this: Krissy, alone. The clock behind her reads 3:00 (remember military time requires no am or pm...and last night at midnight the clock showed 0:00. I had to do a double take), the hair piled up into a messy bun, dark bags under the eyes, and her face lit up with the strange glow of the laptop sitting in front of her. You would look into her eyes and see a resignation, a knowing. "Yes, I did this to myself and.... it was totally worth it."
That is exactly what it would look like.
I know this is going to kick me in the butt at some point....but....I'm willing to take that risk! This is what goes through my mind: "I have two options: study for the final or visit the dear friends I'll be leaving when I depart from this country." Short term for option one: do well on final, don't see friends. Long term for option one: Get a good career based off of this one test. All future employers will look back and say "We want her, she excelled at Art History while studying in Brussels. We need her. Have no true friends abroad. Short term for option two: do not do quite as well on final as I would like to, see friends. Be encouraged and refreshed. Eat good food (always a plus). Long term for option two: Never get a job because I failed Art History my Junior year of college. Fail. (going to the extreme here). Have long lasting friendships all over the world and have sweet memories of my last days in the experience that changed my life. Add more reasons as to why I am looking forward to Heaven because then I'll finally be with everyone I love, regardless of where they lived on earth.
The deliberation usually takes ten seconds. And I only think about it that long so I feel less guilty about my decision because I have "thought" about it.
People have been and always will be the most important thing to me (apart from my Jesus). I do use discretion, I assure you, but I know I'll look back ten years from now and remember the fun times I had with my friends and family, not the all-nighter that was caused by that decision. I'll recover. I'll sleep. Sometime. I find my rest in Jesus, what else do I need?!
I write this as "study" for the three finals I have in the next four days. I can't study in Europe. It has done something to me. This is going to be the death of me....all well. Life goes on. One step at a time. I was skyping with my family today and, of course, was being dramatic about the impending doom. They responded with the wise words "No one can eat an elephant in one bite". What does that even mean!? That led to a discussion as to who eats an elephant. The response (from my dad) was that they didn't want to waste the road kill in Africa. Another question: who hits an elephant to have road kill? Five minutes later after much discussion on both parts, I agreed that I, indeed, did understand what four members of my family were trying to convey to me. One step at a time. No one can take all the problems all at once, rather....bit by bit. (or rather bite by bite haha) So, with lots of prayer and hopefully studying, I'll get through this :)
I said good bye to my host mom tonight. She is going to California to be with her family for the holidays (plus her new job). The rest of the family will follow soon. It was sad. I love her. I love our drives to choir, her winks across the room as we sing Christmas carols under the strict conductor who thinks we are going to be on the Sing Off or something (believe me, most of the choir is in their 70s), the visits near the fire place, the yoga, the gentle touches of a "mother" and her smile that fills up her entire face. She has been a big part of my life here and I'm not looking forward to saying good bye to the other people who have made this experience truly wonderful.
But, as I was reminded a couple weeks ago, it is good to be sad when you leave a place. It shows that you have something there to be sad about. That is a good way of looking at things. I'm so thankful that I have people to miss when I leave and true reasons behind the tears that will flow as I board the plane (this is funny, it's like a full circle: cried when I came, cry when I leave. I knew this would happen).
Basically, I will finish off this week exhausted and sad. But then extremely happy when it dawns on me that I will see my amazing family and friends so so so very very soon! Four months is quite long for a home girl like me but God has been good, He has used this time to draw me close and teach me so many things about Himself.
I must bid you good night, it is not quite two in the morning and dates, terms, EU missions, pieces of artwork and french grammar must be learned!
Je t'aime :) Yes, yes I do!
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