Je suis perdue!!

One of the first phrases I learned when I arrived in this tiny country was "Hello, my name is Krissy. I am lost." We would joke about my awful french and the one phrase I knew. However, my french has drastically gotten better!!! But I am still lost....
I can't tell you how many times I have gotten lost here. It has become a normal feeling. I expect any journey to take longer than what people say... because I will get lost. Normally I enjoy getting lost because you get to see such beautiful things when you are scouring the streets for a sign. I went to an amazing city, Bruges, last weekend and it was perfect. The medieval looking city was completely cobblestone with a canal running down the middle of it. Our boat tour on the canal topped off an already amazing day. I have gone on walks around my neighborhood purposely trying to get lost, and it is enjoyable. However, last night as I tried to get somewhere downtown I got lost and cried. It was the first time I cried since getting here (I shed tears before, but not a serious cry). I was trying to get to a bible study based off of my own memory and let's just say it resulted in me wandering downtown for two hours. I was upset because I couldn't make it to the bible study but I was also upset because it got dark, people got creepy and I was alone. A car full of guys stopped right in front of me and one guy leaned out and said "Hey babe, kiss me." I didn't even look at the car and it still stopped. A couple of choice words came to my mind but I realized it would have made the situation worse. So with that kind warning of the people who were coming out I hopped on the metro and took my twenty minute commute home. I figured no one would care if I cried so I sat on an isolated seat and I cried. I feel bad for the guy who ended up standing across from me the entire time. There was plenty of room everywhere else but he just stood there. Maybe he thought his presence was comforting, I don't know.

One thing that I do not like about this country is the contradiction of eye contact. Apparently over here you do not look people in the face unless you know them. Due to the fact that there are so many people crammed into a small country, one must maintain other people's privacy by not looking them in the eyes. So, whereas I am used to smiling at people, here I try but I often get blank stares or strange looks. When it comes to looking at men, I keep my eyes down because apparently they get ideas if you look at them. Here is my complaint: if I can't even look people in the eyes (to "keep" their privacy) then why can guys be extremely creepy towards me?! Is that not invading my privacy when they follow me, stare at me and look me up in down like a piece of meat?! I do not provoke the attention with scandalous clothing or bold looks and yet I still get harassed. I seriously hate it. I'm sure it is like this in every big city but since this is my first time in a big city, I couldn't tell you one way or the other.

This creepiness factor has led me to be wary even of nice people. I just don't know! If a guy smiles at me, I basically assume he is a creep (but a lot has to do with the eyes when the person smiles at you....in their eyes I can usually tell what they are thinking). Today I was walking home and this van drove right up next to me and a guy jumped out! He had bright clothes on and, as he came up behind me with a black bag, I prepared to fight. He was the public garbage man. He looked back at me (must have seen my petrified face) and said something in french with a smile. Probably like "Don't worry, I'm only checking the garbage cans." I laughed at myself after that. It is not like I walk around in constant fear (and I am almost always with someone) but it frustrates me that, because I am a woman, I have to be more careful and vigilant. All well, God protects me. "The angel of the Lord encamps all around those who fear Him, And delivers


them." Psalms 34:7


One thing I do enjoy (trying to stay positive, every experience has its ups and downs!) is the cultural differences I experience every day. I go to school at a small college within a bigger university. The college is 1/3 study abroad students and they rest are full time students from everywhere in the world. I have study abroad friends and full-time student friends. One thing they do is the "kiss". You see someone, you peck them on the cheek. I can't do it! I have tried and have failed every time. It doesn't help that I just don't see it coming. Instead of someone tapping you on the shoulder, you are getting a head right next to yours and you don't even expect it! Then there is the question of "do you actually kiss them on the cheek?" or "Do you do the air peck with your cheek against theirs?" I haven't perfected yet. I actually dread seeing some people (they are wonderful people) because I know that, when I greet them, I am going to make a full of myself once again. One of my friends was saying goodbye to me for the weekend (we work the same internship) and she had been coughing all day. She still wanted to do the kiss thing! (now I am sick...I wonder why.) So, yet again, I did it wrong. I'm trying. It is not that I don't want to say hello in an intimate manner, but I'm just not used to kissing everyone on the check when I see them! I had lunch with one of the Italian interns and her friend. (ps this is where I get to work and eat lunch http://www.google.be/imgres?q=arc+de+triomphe+brussels+belgium&hl=nl&sa=X&biw=1366&bih=617&tbm=isch&prmd=imvns&tbnid=CjQzhSnsuiirdM:&imgrefurl=http://photos.tarunchandel.com/2010/07/arc-de-triomphe-brussels-belgium.html&docid=xdn9o4T-zMZxQM&w=800&h=541&ei=A4uETtXhAoqF-waG1uBC&zoom=1)  When he said goodbye to me he blew me a kiss. My other friend does the same thing every time we say good bye. It's not romantic at all. Just they way people communicate here.

At my internship I am the only american. Lunch usually consists of a Mexican woman, a Scottish woman, an Irish man, a Scottish man, a Romanian man and a few Italians. I love it :) As I was standing with one of my coworkers at the elevator we were talking about my birthday and how old I was. I told her my birthday was at the end of August and I was 21 (all the interns are in their late twenties so I am the youngest by at least five years). My friend then asked if I was a virgin. I gave her a confused look (my thoughts were "Is this an Italian thing!? We met like two days ago!") She asked again and then saw my confused look. After an awkward couple of seconds we both realized that she was asking if I was a virgo. I guess in Italian it is the same word. Cultural confusion on that one for sure :)

My host mom asked me if I wanted to go to a choir rehearsal and, though I wasn't feeling it, I went and actually enjoyed myself. The people there were considerably older but they were from all over the states and Europe. I am trying to expose myself to as much culture as I can here so I am glad she invited me....and that I went. We will be doing Christmas concerts in December :)

The last couple of days have been stressful for me so this morning I sat and watched Tenth Avenue North's music journals. Tenth Avenue North is an amazing christian band that sings songs straight from the heart (to God and from God). Here is one that I just wanted to share. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNpw-kCUEtk&feature=relmfu I pray that you realize today that God is Strong Enough to Save.

Day Dreamin....

I could have stayed there for hours. No, more like days. Blues skies are rare in Belgium. And sun? Well that only comes occasionally. But this morning was beautiful. I sat in my attic and looked up through the ceiling windows and just watched the clouds go by. Despite the fact that I had to study for a test and look presentable, I just sat and enjoyed the sun and sky.

I feel that when people ask me what I am doing, "thinking" does not suffice for an answer. I find myself constantly running around, filling up my schedule, talking and constantly being "busy". So, since arriving in this beautiful country, I have tried to give myself more quiet time. Just to think. This sounded like a good idea until I actually tried it. My thoughts went all over the place, from God, to school, to friends back home, to my family, to guys, to Adam Young, to praying for guidance, to praying for people that really need the love of God right now, and to simply wondering...

What I wouldn't give to be in the mind of God. I seriously wonder what he must think; being up in Heaven and watching my life unfold. Does He cry when I cry? Does He smile when I smile? Does His heart overflow when I lift my hands and sing praises to Him? Does He laugh when I stop, look up and say "really God, really? You want me to do that?" He must have a sense of humor. Actually, there is no doubt in my mind that He does. Look around, people do the dumbest things. People say the funniest things.  This last week it was reaffirmed a couple of times that God, does indeed, enjoy my life.

I kind picture Him listening to my prayers and just saying "Krissy, really? That is all you are asking? Don't you know, I have a much better plan for you? Yes, I'll listen to your prayers but girl, my plans are going to blow your mind. Just wait and see. This relationship we got going here, I like it. I like you. I LOVE you. You know all the pain you are feeling? I feel that too. You know all that happiness that is making you burst? I feel that too. And I cannot wait to reveal my plan your life." I think it would go something like that.

I was in Germany this weekend and we ended up in a museum looking at tons and tons of pictures. I listened to the guide but started when she said this woman was in the picture holding a ring to baby Jesus because she was engaged to Him. I gave the guide a confused look and asked "What?" Apparently this woman was a nun and she stayed "married" to Jesus her entire life. That made much more sense than what I was thinking of.

Sometimes I wish Jesus would come down just to me. So we could talk face to face and I could feel His presence. I want to be married to Him. I want to go on late night walks as I open my heart to Him. I want Him to fill my every longing. I want Him to fill my being so much, that when people look at me they wont even see me, they will be looking at Him. I want that. So much.

I could never be a nun. God puts desires into our hearts and I desire to get married to a godly man so we could spend our days together serving God and others. I pray for my future husband. I pray that he grows in God everyday and that when we meet, it will be right when God wants us to and it will be perfectly magical. I'm a romantic, this is true. But I also like to think that I have a head on my shoulder. I'm excited to get married! But when will that happen? I don't know! And I'm okay with that. Right now I am completely in love with the man who gave so much to save me. Each day, I wake up with Him and He gives me everything I need. Right now I'm living in a foreign country doing things I never thought I would. I gave Him my life and He is taking very good care of it. What more could I ask for?

I treasure the relationships I have with the men in my life. I have been so blessed to have an amazing dad, wonderful brothers, uncles, cousins and friends. They help me draw closer to God and words could not describe how much I appreciate them. However, they have set an extremely high standard. I'm not looking for someone perfect; that would be absurd because I am not perfect! Because I have been treated so well, I couldn't imagine anything less.

This is what I daydream about. I wonder what God really thinks of me and if He enjoys all the experiences I have. When I met Adam Young (Owl City), I think God smiled. He knew I was homesick and needed some piece of home and worship music. So as Adam sang praises, I lifted my hands and praised God, thanking Him for His present to me; a night with friends and worship.

This thing we have going on? Yeah, God, it is all I need.

Just another day in Belgium

Today is one of those days. I wouldn't qualify at is as bad and I wouldn't qualify it as good, just one of those days. Either it is the sleep deprivation that has followed me since the beginning of August (camp, a wedding and staying up with good people all night before you leave the country does that to you) or it is the sickness that I picked up by the twenty people that have coughed on me on the metro. Either way, I stumbled to my internship (which I am in love with....check it out @ ecraal.org) bright and early on a Monday morning. After some meetings I wasn't feeling well so I went to the bathroom. Let me reiterate how much I hate bathrooms. My hatred of bathrooms is on par with my love of Owl City...and that is a lot. I'm in the stall, trying to avoid all contact with anything and I hit my ID badge just right so it flies off into the toilet. After I choked on my gag reflex, I stood there staring into the toilet. I couldn't flush it down....to replace it would cost 200 Euro (which is around 300 dollars), I couldn't stick my hand down there because that would mean I would have to chop of my hand.....but I had to do something. So I cringed and shoved my hand into the toilet water (even now my eyes are tearing up at what I had to do). Success. However, there was still cleaning stuff in the water (which is a very good thing I must confess) and I have an open cut on my hand and it burned my cut. Now I have toilet water in  my body....slowly burning me. Oh the misery. But if this is the equivalent of a bad day, I think I am doing okay. I'm just glad I survived (always the dramatic)

So, to update on my adventures so far!!! I am gradually learning french. It is quite difficult and I have been laughed at quite a lot but I am trying. Everyone thinks I'm European till I open my mouth...so I try not to talk to strangers (which is a struggle for me). My host brothers have been trying to teach me key phrases and numbers. They laugh at me.... a lot. But I'm going to through myself into this language so I can finally communicate with the many people I see everyday!

I have done a fair amount of exploring in the city. My roommate, Julia, and I have made a goal to find a new place every week and so far we have. We found a beautiful park, the Atomium, mini Europe, and the Palace. We enjoy our adventures but we have been followed on more than one occasion. I pray a lot. I sing praises and I pray for protection. The verse that keeps going through my head is "You have hedged me behind and before...." Psalms 139:5. My philosophy is that I came here because I really felt that God wanted me here. If he wants me here, then he will keep me safe. He knows my days; He knows when I am going to die and he knows what is going to accomplish with my life. He has a perfect and beautiful plan for my life. I have learned to give Him a lot of worries. And I wouldn't have it any other way. He is the great Comforter and the great Designer of my life. I feel so much better knowing that someone else besides me is in charge of life (I would screw it up completely...I know that much).

Have you ever traveled? And you walked around an entire city filling up the day with more historical sites than you can remember. Lunch consisted of a warm water and a soggy baloney and cheese sandwich....you have had those trips, right? But is it not so wonderful to make it home, shower and eat a delicious meal with a tall glass of water? Can't you feel the relief? Well, I felt like that when I made it to the church here in Belgium. The address was online so my roommate walked me there (cause I get lost time and time again....it is something I am rapidly getting used to). We got lost on our way there (because the streets in Belgium are crooked and crazy) and I was kind of upset because I was trying to do something good and here I was, not going to make it to church. But God, of course, worked it out so I made it just in time. The church of Christ here in Belgium is a very diverse selection of people. Half the church is from Africa (yes, you heard me right.....God has even blessed me in that regard), some are Asian, some are Hispanic and the rest are from the South of the US. The first day I sat there I imagined this is what a sliver of Heaven must feel like. I have never been in a church with so many ethnicities in one room (and it was a small room). It was like the Newsboys song "He Reigns"....really listen to the words and that is how I felt in that small, rented church room. God is very good to me. After church a couple from Texas took me out to a nice restaurant and welcomed me into their home. True Christian hospitality, I don't think they will ever realize how much I needed that Sunday.

One thought that keeps going through my head is "I am here so I can be there." By "there" I mean Africa. I can't explain it but God has just placed the strongest burden on my heart to go help people in Africa. And I find it kind of funny that I ended up in a country learning French (which is heavily spoken in Africa) and at a church that is half African (a tribal chief from Ghana led our communion thought my first day there). God working on something here? I think so. I mean, I am completely open to what he wants for my life. If he wants me to go to China or Alaska or Afghanistan....I pray that my heart and mind would be open enough to follow His plan.

I saw the US men play soccer!!! Never thought that would happen! I had to get frisked before I went in (and they thought my lip gloss was questionable). We lost, but it was nice to feel American again. I am not ashamed of being American, I just don't announce it everywhere I go. At my internship today the doors were locked so a group of us hung out for quite some time. We went around the table telling where we were from, what we did,etc. We had an Irish man, a Polish man, an Italian woman, a Mexican Woman and an American (me, of course. When I said I was American, the Irish man said "Not everyone is perfect." that is the second time someone has said that to me). It was really interesting sharing my life with people all from different cultures, and they did the same thing too. It was a good way to spend an hour.

This may sound strange, but I modeled my newest haircut off of the movie Tangled. When I told my host mom about it she told me straight out that it was strange to base a hair style on a cartoon, but I showed her a picture and she cut it for me....and it looks good! I was so happy to have a host mom that can cut hair! Saving  money in as many ways as I can :) That and just taking samples from stores for lunch. I didn't eat lunch for a week to save money to see Owl City. I think it was worth it. We will find out next Friday!!!

Saturday was a beautiful day here in Belgium. Such days are rare because it is mostly overcast and cloudy all the time. I do not mind because cloudy days make me smile, but a little sun on the skin couldn't hurt me a bit. So, because it was so nice, my roommate and I went with two of our friends (Malik and Johnny) to Brugge and then biked from there to the North Sea. I think in total we biked 50km. The whole next day I couldn't go up the stairs I was so sore. But it was such a beautiful day. We biked along a path next to the canal and I couldn't get over how beautiful the countryside was. The houses were just what you would expect in the countryside of Europe. I was so happy the entire day. Even when we got stuck in the thunderstorm and got completely wet. The sea was cold but nonetheless wonderful. I collected sand dollars and ate ice cream.

I seriously go to bed each night wondering why I get to live this life. I don't deserve any of it, but I am so grateful to God for blessing with this life I'm living. Looking for a good song? Listen to Jason Castro's You Are. It is my worship song right now. "You came in my darkness, you came in my night, you can without warning, you came to my side, You are the One, You are the One. And I will never move on from You!"

Never.