Day Dreamin....

I could have stayed there for hours. No, more like days. Blues skies are rare in Belgium. And sun? Well that only comes occasionally. But this morning was beautiful. I sat in my attic and looked up through the ceiling windows and just watched the clouds go by. Despite the fact that I had to study for a test and look presentable, I just sat and enjoyed the sun and sky.

I feel that when people ask me what I am doing, "thinking" does not suffice for an answer. I find myself constantly running around, filling up my schedule, talking and constantly being "busy". So, since arriving in this beautiful country, I have tried to give myself more quiet time. Just to think. This sounded like a good idea until I actually tried it. My thoughts went all over the place, from God, to school, to friends back home, to my family, to guys, to Adam Young, to praying for guidance, to praying for people that really need the love of God right now, and to simply wondering...

What I wouldn't give to be in the mind of God. I seriously wonder what he must think; being up in Heaven and watching my life unfold. Does He cry when I cry? Does He smile when I smile? Does His heart overflow when I lift my hands and sing praises to Him? Does He laugh when I stop, look up and say "really God, really? You want me to do that?" He must have a sense of humor. Actually, there is no doubt in my mind that He does. Look around, people do the dumbest things. People say the funniest things.  This last week it was reaffirmed a couple of times that God, does indeed, enjoy my life.

I kind picture Him listening to my prayers and just saying "Krissy, really? That is all you are asking? Don't you know, I have a much better plan for you? Yes, I'll listen to your prayers but girl, my plans are going to blow your mind. Just wait and see. This relationship we got going here, I like it. I like you. I LOVE you. You know all the pain you are feeling? I feel that too. You know all that happiness that is making you burst? I feel that too. And I cannot wait to reveal my plan your life." I think it would go something like that.

I was in Germany this weekend and we ended up in a museum looking at tons and tons of pictures. I listened to the guide but started when she said this woman was in the picture holding a ring to baby Jesus because she was engaged to Him. I gave the guide a confused look and asked "What?" Apparently this woman was a nun and she stayed "married" to Jesus her entire life. That made much more sense than what I was thinking of.

Sometimes I wish Jesus would come down just to me. So we could talk face to face and I could feel His presence. I want to be married to Him. I want to go on late night walks as I open my heart to Him. I want Him to fill my every longing. I want Him to fill my being so much, that when people look at me they wont even see me, they will be looking at Him. I want that. So much.

I could never be a nun. God puts desires into our hearts and I desire to get married to a godly man so we could spend our days together serving God and others. I pray for my future husband. I pray that he grows in God everyday and that when we meet, it will be right when God wants us to and it will be perfectly magical. I'm a romantic, this is true. But I also like to think that I have a head on my shoulder. I'm excited to get married! But when will that happen? I don't know! And I'm okay with that. Right now I am completely in love with the man who gave so much to save me. Each day, I wake up with Him and He gives me everything I need. Right now I'm living in a foreign country doing things I never thought I would. I gave Him my life and He is taking very good care of it. What more could I ask for?

I treasure the relationships I have with the men in my life. I have been so blessed to have an amazing dad, wonderful brothers, uncles, cousins and friends. They help me draw closer to God and words could not describe how much I appreciate them. However, they have set an extremely high standard. I'm not looking for someone perfect; that would be absurd because I am not perfect! Because I have been treated so well, I couldn't imagine anything less.

This is what I daydream about. I wonder what God really thinks of me and if He enjoys all the experiences I have. When I met Adam Young (Owl City), I think God smiled. He knew I was homesick and needed some piece of home and worship music. So as Adam sang praises, I lifted my hands and praised God, thanking Him for His present to me; a night with friends and worship.

This thing we have going on? Yeah, God, it is all I need.