"The more I know of the world, the more I am convinced that I shall never see a man whom I can really love, I require so much!"
Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility
ahh, the words of Jane Austen. Read by thousands throughout the years, putting into word the thoughts many of us have but can only dream of expressing coherently. I love Jane Austen. I'm glad that I discovered her later on in my teen years when I had more of a head on my shoulder, or else I would have been a hopeless romantic...driving everyone around me crazy. I discovered her right at a time when her stories started to become applicable to my life. She describes so vividly what people experience (especially when it comes to disappointed hopes) and it is by reading her books, among many other things, that I realize I am not alone in my thoughts.
I was in the living room of a couple I have grown close to these last couple of months in Belgium. Randomly, the guy turned to me and began to ask me questions about relationships, dates, crushes and kisses. After replying to him mostly in the negative, he looked at me and said he couldn't believe it. I laughed as he stated that I was pretty so he couldn't understand the lack of relationships in my life.
Looking back at the conversation, I smile. Sometimes I go through the same thoughts he expressed (not that I say to myself "Wait, you're pretty, I don't understand"). You see, I have deducted that it is because I have the best men in my life. I've talked about it before, but I can't get over it. I have a dad who, on numerous occasions, had his shirt soaked by his sobbing daughter. When I didn't make the travel basketball team freshman year I remember riding the car in silence until I made it home. As soon as I walked into the door my dad asked "How did it go?" My lip puckered and then.....tears. I have cried to my brothers too. I promise that I'm not emotional, just open. I believe that holding in feelings is not healthy (discretion is important though too) so when I have a "disagreement", discussion quickly follows. Tears usually ensue. Apologies are made. A hug then erases the hurt that was previously so prevalent. I think I have taught my brothers how to deal with women quite well :) The men in my life care, call, and show their love in their own unique ways. Last week I was asking my cousin what he wanted from Belgium (souvenir shopping!) and he replied "Just you." oh shucks. We also have a "date" planned for when I return, just because. Yes, I am surrounded by the best. When I am treated like that, why wouldn't I expect that in someone I would spend the rest of my life with? Makes sense, doesn't it?
I was recently sitting with one of my christian friends, talking to her about relationships. She told me that some of her friends told her that she was "limiting her choices" but choosing to date only Christians. Yes, she is. But why not?! If something is so important to you that you would center your entire being around it, why wouldn't you want to be with someone who felt exactly the same?
The temptation to settle is there. In some areas (like the North East of the US), young, Christian, eligible men are few and far between. Then there is the fact that just because someone is a Christian does not automatically mean that you are meant to be with them. I have had guy friends that people assume I must like, because they are Christian and single. But there is so much more to that. I would want a guy with the personality that would compliment mine, a heart that hurts for the world and a faith that would encourage and edify me as we traveled life's journey together.
It is easy to get to discouraged, but singleness also has so many advantages. Being here in a foreign country with no one by my side has allowed me to experience my Savior in a way I couldn't describe. He has used my lonely times (being away from everything familiar tends to do that to you) to draw me into Him. He has taught me to trust Him. He has taught me to let Him be my everything. When I don't start my day off with Him...something feels off. He is all I need. Everything else is just a part of the wonderful life I have with Him.
Last week I randomly stumbled across this blog post from over a year ago. In it the author writes:
"She is out there. My Cinderella. She is real. She exists. I pray for her constantly. May God satisfy the desires of her heart, draw her close, consume her. May He claim her passions, her identity, her refuge, her hopes, her strengths and weaknesses, every fiber of her being. May she treasure and cherish her Savior more than anything of this world and cling to His will with every ounce of her stamina. By all that she is, does, and strives to be, may He draw near to her and she to Him."
I stared at the computer screen, shocked. This guy couldn't be real. But he is, I have met him! That a guy would publicly come out and say this amazes me. Oh it gave me hope! There are men out there praying for their future wives. Praying for them to be complete in God. Praying :) Oh God has a pleasant way of reminding me He has everything under control.
I like to stop and think that the person God has for me is out there, right now, living his life. He is having his struggles, he is making memories (that he will later share with me!), he is growing in Christ, he is wondering when I will come alone and he is praying for me as I pray for him. Oh it makes me happy.
I'm sitting on my bed in my attic room in this small and slightly strange country; Belgium. I'm content. I'm happy. I can just picture myself looking over to Jesus sitting next to me and saying "So, what's next?" My mind and heart are completely open. I have no idea what my future holds but I know that He holds it closely to His heart.
Have you ever looked up how many times the word "wait" appears in the Bible? It is there quite a lot. I imagine there is reason enough for that :)
"Wait, on the Lord; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!"
Psalms 27:14
I'll wait :)
"I must learn to be content with being happier than I deserve."
Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice.
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