A song from Brandon Heath goes like this:
Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken-hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the one's forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see
My entire journey here I have felt that God is preparing me to go elsewhere in the world, that this is simply a preview of what is to come. I really felt that the place I was going to reach for Christ was Uganda. I still feel like it. But then I came across a christian organization that works in Cambodia. That too, became one of my destinations. I really don't like thinking about the future because whenever I make plans, they rarely come into fruition. I have no solid plans in place, I just know that, because I gave it away years ago, my life will be used exactly the way God needs it to be used. That is my hope and aim.
I do have a feeling that my life will be spent mostly outside of the US. My first thought when people ask me what I want to do for a career quickly goes to a picture I have made in my mind; a small hut in Africa, very little belongings, orphans running around and the love of God holding everything together. That is my dream, but God does have a way of taking my dreams to an entirely different level.
This past weekend I went to Amsterdam with my class. It was our last trip and I was dreading it. I was tired from a rough week of many late nights and I had to give a presentation on the Dutch-Anglo wars of the 17th century (I know you want to hear about it...I actually really enjoyed learning about the wars). Exhausted, I was hardly excited to see a city known for its legalization of drugs. All I could think of was the irony of me being in a place full of druggies. I have only been made fun of my name for my entire life, why not be surrounded by people who think its awesome (side note: I love my last name and I wouldn't change anything about it, at this point in my life)?
Amsterdam is a very beautiful city filled with canals and small streets. I enjoyed walking over the bridges and seeing the city. However, it broke my heart completely.
When we arrived Friday I found it interesting that there were three red lights on the same street as our hostel. Okay, maybe it is just a rough part of town. The next day we woke up and started walking around the city. As I was taking a picture of a church I looked to the right of the church and there was a woman standing in a window staring at me. Startled, I quickly walked away.
As I followed the professor down an alley painted with naked women, I walked with two guys from my class, telling them about the woman I saw and how surprised I was. My story was cut short as I looked to my left and saw a reflection from the window to my right of a woman standing in her underwear. Making sure to not turn my head to left or to the right I looked forward to see a group of young guys. As we walked through them I couldn't understand what they were saying so I looked where their eyes were pointing. In the doorway right next to me there was a woman standing, just in her undergarments. Words had stopped coming from my mouth what felt like minutes earlier. It had to have been only thirty seconds of walking but it felt like forever. I was like "What? What did we just walk through?! Wait....WHAT IS THAT SMELL?!" They looked at me and replied "It's weed." Oh. I knew that. That was way to much for me. Everyone seemed so nonchalant. Did they not see the red lights hanging above the doorways and the women in the windows?!
It broke my heart. There is not way those women wanted to be there. Amsterdam allows prostitution...I had never seen it so prevalent before. I was really bothered by it. Here I am wanting to move to Cambodia to fight sex-trafficking when right in the city I'm visiting there is open prostitution. Every time I saw a woman in the window it broke my heart. The last day I was there I decided to look back at the woman in the window who was staring at me. I wondered what she was thinking. Was she thinking about me, and how I was clearly just visiting the city and leaving to go back to my stable life in Brussels. Did she want a way out? I wish I knew her story. Who harmed her, who lied to her and told her she was only worth her body, how did she turn from a beautiful little girl into the woman in the window, seducing onlookers with her body and glances?
I was reminded of a book I read this last summer that retold the story of the Old Testament prophet Hosea. Redeeming Love, by Francine Rivers, tells the story of a man commanded by God to marry a prostitute named Angel. Hosea rescues and marries her, only to be hurt by her time and time again as he chases after her to bring her back to him. The book provided an insight into the life of a prostitute I have never seen before as it illustrated the purpose of the actions of Hosea; to show how the Israelites acted towards God. It can show our relationship with God even today. How many times does He rescue us, only for us to run away to dirt we left behind, wanting to do things our own way?
The song above is a prayer of mine. I want Jesus to give me His eyes. As I walked through the streets I tried to picture the women as Jesus would have seen them; people who needed love. He hung out with the prostitutes and sinners, calling them to drink of His everlasting water. I want His eyes. I want to be His hands and Feet.
I walked away from Amsterdam with large eyes, still in disbelief at what I had seen. Those women deserve so much better than what they have. I know they don't want to be used. What life is left for them? If they continue to be in their servitude their lives will be empty and unfulfilled. I have no way of fixing it by myself. What they need is Jesus. Only then will their lives be complete.
I have little else to say only that my heart is breaking every time I think about what I saw and I haven't a clue on how to mend it.
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