Stateside

It is very strange to be sitting here in my living room....in New York. The house has had some alterations to it since I left it but overall it looks the same. Sometimes I wonder if Belgium really happened. From the time I got there, I knew I was coming home on December 17th. Regardless of what happened during the four months in Europe, I was getting on a flight to Newark at ten in the morning.

Whereas I always had this in the back of my mind, I didn't really expect it to happen. I mean, I did...but I didn't. I can't describe how many times I went to bed in Brussels asking myself "Is this a dream?!" I felt close to God, I felt His purpose, I knew that, regardless of delays and stress, His will would be done. Life wasn't perfect over there, but oh it was wonderful.

There is something special about being isolated and, at times, lonely. I feel like it is at that spot where you find God in a way you never had before. We all need God. Obviously :) But, as I was trying to figure out my "adjustment" here, I read a book (this deserves its own post from me!) about a young woman called to Africa. She came back to the states for a semester but hated it. There were many things she was dealing with but one thought of hers really struck me. She described how she felt closer to God in Africa because she didn't have everything she needed there. If there wasn't enough food in the States, she would simply go to the store. In Africa, especially where she lives, sometimes you need a little more trust. I found the same sort of thinking (though Brussels is by no means Africa). There were times where I was legitimately lost and scared. There were times when I felt so alone. There were times I just had no idea what to do. But it was at those times that I turned to God. I didn't have a cell phone to call my parents for advice. I didn't have my closest friends from home with me (I made very close friends, thank God) to comfort me and make me forget my worries. I didn't have a lot of what I do now, here in the States. I enjoyed that trust I developed (and still have!) and I couldn't tell you how thankful I am to God for His faithfulness.

Now I am in a different phase. God is going to teach me something new, but I find myself desiring that full dependence on Him again where I had no choice but to trust...that was all I could do! Ahh He is teaching me, I just wish I deserved Him a little bit more. There is a children's song that goes like "He's still working on me, to make me what I ought to be...." That will be my song till I die.

I look back at my semester in Belgium and I have to smile. From the beginning, I should have known it would be an adventure! Paris (with screaming children!), meeting Owl City, Germany, London, Ireland, my various trips to the Netherlands, the talks, the meals, the walks, the quiet time, the city, the people (such interesting people!), the food, the sights, the moments that will forever stay in my heart....all of this while meeting and growing close with the wonderful people God placed in my life. My roommates (especially Julia who dealt with me the entire semester), my host family, the friends I made through classes, Kristen (who supported and encouraged my lunches of free samples at Colruyt and the semester long procrastination), the church family, the Bible study group who really became my family in Brussels (my sisters, my brothers and the mentors) and everyone who took me in and made me feel like family wherever I was staying. A random email from me would be answered with kindness and excitement to see me. Time and time again. I'm thankful that Julia's program adopted me so that I had both a professor and a friend that cared deeply for me.

It was hard to leave because I loved so many things and people in Europe but I also loved so many things in the States! Finals pushed me more towards home and as I sat next to Kristen (after being bumped from the flight...then rushed on to it) we just talked about how crazy our adventures have been. We rode over together, barely knowing each other and now we were returning, close friends :) She listened through every emotion of mine the entire semester, she could probably tell you more about my emotional state than I could!

I contemplated running through the airport yelling "I love America!!" But just one look from the security guard made me rethink that plan and act like a good, American citizen until I crossed the customs checkpoint.

My parents were there to pick me up and I became an emotional twist of tears and smiles, so happy to be home. The next day I was sitting in Church, surrounded by loved ones, hugged more than I could count and very happy. The transition has been weird. Sometimes I have moments like "I can walk up and ask a question without asking "Do you speak English?"" Or, I was eating out and realized that I could understand the people talking at the table next to us. Strange flashbacks are triggered by a simple word or phrase but it is all part of the process.

There are frustrations with dealing with change but I'm so happy to be back with my family and friends and with the people who have encouraged me, cheered me on and made me laugh as I cried. My support team is the best and God MUST have known how much I would (and will) need them. I'm one blessed woman, regardless of how bad the day...I have nothing to complain about.

I have decided to continue my blog to document this journey called life even though I am no longer in Europe. I'll be heading back to my school in less than two weeks and let's just say God will be teaching my a lot this semester. But I'll take it a moment at a time, take that chance and see what amazing things God is going to do!