Mango

I have two confessions:
First Confession: I LOVE mangoes more than any food in the entire world. Give me a mango and a sunflower and I literally have the sun in my hands. The color of a ripe mango is one of the richest oranges in nature; it is beautiful. And a sunflower? I don't need to describe its colors. How can you not smile when you see one?
Second Confession: I HATE sharing my mangoes (or any food for that matter).

woo. Now THAT is off my shoulders. This is actually a serious struggle for me; not the love of mangoes but  the lack of sharing. I actually just wrote "unsharing" and it has a red squiggle under it. I had to think of what other word it could be. "Selfish". That is the word I'm looking for. I prefer "unsharing", it sounds less....bad. But the truth of the matter is I am selfish with me food.

I was sitting in my room doing work with a friend when a fellow RA stopped by. My door was open because I try to be hospitable so she walked on in to say hi and look at my room. I watched her eyes as they landed on my five mangoes, sitting perfectly on my mini-fridge. "Don't do it", I thought, "Don't even think about it." Well guess what she did....SHE ASKED FOR A MANGO! I was shocked. Who does that?! I stared at her, fighting every urge to say no. There was an awkward pause and a small "I guess so" from me (my heart slowly breaking).

She took it and left. My poor friend then heard a rant from me about how rude that is to ask someone for food and how I felt like I had been taken advantage of because I'm such a nice person (haha), etc. I secretly hoped the mango was rotten (I know, I'm awful). In the middle of my angry thoughts another thought flew in: "Jesus would have given her the mango". It sounds like a cheesy thought and I quickly tried to push it away. Of course Jesus would have given her a mango...He is Jesus! Duh. He loves everyone and I know He could "multiply" the mango to feed five thousand anyway. I'm not Jesus so I shouldn't have to share my precious mangoes.

I had to tell myself over and over again that giving her the mango was the right thing to do, but to be quite honest, it wasn't easy. I have enough trouble sharing my food with my friends and family... I don't know why. I have never starved or been in want of food. I used to always grab more food before I was done with my first plate because I was convinced my older brother was going to eat it all. Maybe I'm just selfish.

After this episode, I realized I needed to work on sharing. If I'm to be Jesus to the world, I need to learn how He shared. He probably would have given her the mango and a drink of water (ooo, so she would never be thirsty?!) I felt like Abu from Aladdin when he shares his bread with the orphans. I shared but it wasn't with love. So I've started with my friends and sharing what I really like to eat. They probably don't even realize my internal struggle because they all would do it a heartbeat.

There it is, out in the open. One of my struggles. I'm sure if I'm quite ready to give a stranger a mango but I take heart in the fact that He is still working on me to make me what I ought to be :)