The amount of sleep that I have gotten in the last couple of days is quite embarrassing. My roommate woke me up this morning because I fell asleep on the couch for a couple of hours....and I had a final to get to! I'm functioning and will continue to function on just a few hours of sleep. But it is totally worth it. Finals are done, good byes are being said (unfortunately), places visited, food eaten, pictures taken, dances made (love the roommates). Ahh, life is good. God is good. I'm so thankful for everything I have experienced here, for the people that have made this place home and for all the blessings that continue to pour into my life even though I am far from deserving them.
I will miss this place. The memories I have made here will be forever in my heart.
I love you Belgium, but I am so excited to see my beloved America.
I've missed you America. So much. You are a beautiful country. You are home.
I can't wait to see the beloved faces I have missed these last four months. Tears will come and the smile will never come off of my face (oh jet lag will fix that!).
I would love to continue on but things must be packed!
I will reflect when my brain is again capable of thinking.
One thing I know is that God has done such marvelous things this semester and I love Him. He made all of this possible and I'll forever be grateful.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
The First Good bye
I could never be the poster child for "Study Abroad". If they were to put the summation of my experiences here onto a poster it would consist of this: Krissy laughing at a table, surrounded by big smiles and warm hearts. The happiness would be tangible as you looked into her eyes and saw what she felt; pure joy at blessings beyond belief. The dear friends surrounding her would be from London, the States, Canada, the Netherlands, all over the states and Africa. Can't you visualize this picture? Doesn't it seem heavenly?
But then, split the poster in half and the other side would consist of this: Krissy, alone. The clock behind her reads 3:00 (remember military time requires no am or pm...and last night at midnight the clock showed 0:00. I had to do a double take), the hair piled up into a messy bun, dark bags under the eyes, and her face lit up with the strange glow of the laptop sitting in front of her. You would look into her eyes and see a resignation, a knowing. "Yes, I did this to myself and.... it was totally worth it."
That is exactly what it would look like.
People have been and always will be the most important thing to me (apart from my Jesus). I do use discretion, I assure you, but I know I'll look back ten years from now and remember the fun times I had with my friends and family, not the all-nighter that was caused by that decision. I'll recover. I'll sleep. Sometime. I find my rest in Jesus, what else do I need?!
I write this as "study" for the three finals I have in the next four days. I can't study in Europe. It has done something to me. This is going to be the death of me....all well. Life goes on. One step at a time. I was skyping with my family today and, of course, was being dramatic about the impending doom. They responded with the wise words "No one can eat an elephant in one bite". What does that even mean!? That led to a discussion as to who eats an elephant. The response (from my dad) was that they didn't want to waste the road kill in Africa. Another question: who hits an elephant to have road kill? Five minutes later after much discussion on both parts, I agreed that I, indeed, did understand what four members of my family were trying to convey to me. One step at a time. No one can take all the problems all at once, rather....bit by bit. (or rather bite by bite haha) So, with lots of prayer and hopefully studying, I'll get through this :)
I said good bye to my host mom tonight. She is going to California to be with her family for the holidays (plus her new job). The rest of the family will follow soon. It was sad. I love her. I love our drives to choir, her winks across the room as we sing Christmas carols under the strict conductor who thinks we are going to be on the Sing Off or something (believe me, most of the choir is in their 70s), the visits near the fire place, the yoga, the gentle touches of a "mother" and her smile that fills up her entire face. She has been a big part of my life here and I'm not looking forward to saying good bye to the other people who have made this experience truly wonderful.
But, as I was reminded a couple weeks ago, it is good to be sad when you leave a place. It shows that you have something there to be sad about. That is a good way of looking at things. I'm so thankful that I have people to miss when I leave and true reasons behind the tears that will flow as I board the plane (this is funny, it's like a full circle: cried when I came, cry when I leave. I knew this would happen).
Basically, I will finish off this week exhausted and sad. But then extremely happy when it dawns on me that I will see my amazing family and friends so so so very very soon! Four months is quite long for a home girl like me but God has been good, He has used this time to draw me close and teach me so many things about Himself.
I must bid you good night, it is not quite two in the morning and dates, terms, EU missions, pieces of artwork and french grammar must be learned!
Je t'aime :) Yes, yes I do!
But then, split the poster in half and the other side would consist of this: Krissy, alone. The clock behind her reads 3:00 (remember military time requires no am or pm...and last night at midnight the clock showed 0:00. I had to do a double take), the hair piled up into a messy bun, dark bags under the eyes, and her face lit up with the strange glow of the laptop sitting in front of her. You would look into her eyes and see a resignation, a knowing. "Yes, I did this to myself and.... it was totally worth it."
That is exactly what it would look like.
I know this is going to kick me in the butt at some point....but....I'm willing to take that risk! This is what goes through my mind: "I have two options: study for the final or visit the dear friends I'll be leaving when I depart from this country." Short term for option one: do well on final, don't see friends. Long term for option one: Get a good career based off of this one test. All future employers will look back and say "We want her, she excelled at Art History while studying in Brussels. We need her. Have no true friends abroad. Short term for option two: do not do quite as well on final as I would like to, see friends. Be encouraged and refreshed. Eat good food (always a plus). Long term for option two: Never get a job because I failed Art History my Junior year of college. Fail. (going to the extreme here). Have long lasting friendships all over the world and have sweet memories of my last days in the experience that changed my life. Add more reasons as to why I am looking forward to Heaven because then I'll finally be with everyone I love, regardless of where they lived on earth.
The deliberation usually takes ten seconds. And I only think about it that long so I feel less guilty about my decision because I have "thought" about it.
People have been and always will be the most important thing to me (apart from my Jesus). I do use discretion, I assure you, but I know I'll look back ten years from now and remember the fun times I had with my friends and family, not the all-nighter that was caused by that decision. I'll recover. I'll sleep. Sometime. I find my rest in Jesus, what else do I need?!
I write this as "study" for the three finals I have in the next four days. I can't study in Europe. It has done something to me. This is going to be the death of me....all well. Life goes on. One step at a time. I was skyping with my family today and, of course, was being dramatic about the impending doom. They responded with the wise words "No one can eat an elephant in one bite". What does that even mean!? That led to a discussion as to who eats an elephant. The response (from my dad) was that they didn't want to waste the road kill in Africa. Another question: who hits an elephant to have road kill? Five minutes later after much discussion on both parts, I agreed that I, indeed, did understand what four members of my family were trying to convey to me. One step at a time. No one can take all the problems all at once, rather....bit by bit. (or rather bite by bite haha) So, with lots of prayer and hopefully studying, I'll get through this :)
I said good bye to my host mom tonight. She is going to California to be with her family for the holidays (plus her new job). The rest of the family will follow soon. It was sad. I love her. I love our drives to choir, her winks across the room as we sing Christmas carols under the strict conductor who thinks we are going to be on the Sing Off or something (believe me, most of the choir is in their 70s), the visits near the fire place, the yoga, the gentle touches of a "mother" and her smile that fills up her entire face. She has been a big part of my life here and I'm not looking forward to saying good bye to the other people who have made this experience truly wonderful.
But, as I was reminded a couple weeks ago, it is good to be sad when you leave a place. It shows that you have something there to be sad about. That is a good way of looking at things. I'm so thankful that I have people to miss when I leave and true reasons behind the tears that will flow as I board the plane (this is funny, it's like a full circle: cried when I came, cry when I leave. I knew this would happen).
Basically, I will finish off this week exhausted and sad. But then extremely happy when it dawns on me that I will see my amazing family and friends so so so very very soon! Four months is quite long for a home girl like me but God has been good, He has used this time to draw me close and teach me so many things about Himself.
I must bid you good night, it is not quite two in the morning and dates, terms, EU missions, pieces of artwork and french grammar must be learned!
Je t'aime :) Yes, yes I do!
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
How many sleeps?
I have eleven sleeps until I leave this wonderful little country back to the place I call home.
I started off my adventure here counting down the days until I left. 119....118....117.... but slowly the numbers became insignificant as my experiences outweighed the idea of being "stuck across the ocean" from everything I knew and loved.
Now, with the time of departure quickly approaching I find myself wanting to pause time and make it go slower. Because once I leave here, I don't have a clue when I will be back. Never before have I had to permanently say goodbye to a place. I have lived in the same house since I was one and my university is only an hour and a half from my house. I always return. Now, I will be saying good bye to people that I might never see again. My host family is moving to the States so when I walk through the doors of this house I have spent the last four months in, I will never come back. It is strange to think about. I don't really like it.
I guess this is just a part of life that I have been blissfully unaware of until now. It is natural and healthy for this to occur, but that doesn't mean that it is easy. I have papers and finals but I find myself shirking them to spend my last precious moments with the people I am leaving here. I have a paper due tomorrow but I probably won't start it till midnight tonight because I'm going to watch Pride and Prejudice with two of my Christian friends, Shanae and Lia. Priorities people, know where your priorities are :) This was the only night that would work and I haven't had any other time to do it so, I'll just sleep later.
I might not sleep until I get back to New York and even then....sleep probably won't happen.
I'm also trying to check things off my list before I leave here. Today, Kristen and I finally tried the speculoos cereal we have been eyeing for three months. We just had to do it. We were not disappointed. There is so much to do, so much to see, so much food to have my "last" taste of. oh, and so many good byes :(
I'm going to be so bipolar this next week and a half. I'll be like "I'm so excited to go home!!!" and do a little dance but then I'll start tearing up and say "But I don't want to go!!" You see, I'm so excited to go home. It has been far too long. But I'm also sad to move from my home here because I have such wonderful people here in my life. I'll miss my host family, my roommates, and my Christian family.
Things will be different back home when I arrive. I will be different (in a good way). I'll have a new sister (the wedding happened two days before I left so I'm still not used to having another sister), my brother has a girlfriend (not used to that), my sister is in Mexico and my other sister has her own apartment. People didn't put their lives on hold when I left. They have had adventures, introspection, trials, and blessings. I don't know how people have changed since I left. And they don't know how I have changed. This is going to be interesting.... people might also have to adjust having Krissy back in their lives....always talking, always singing and always being....Krissy :)
I started off my adventure here counting down the days until I left. 119....118....117.... but slowly the numbers became insignificant as my experiences outweighed the idea of being "stuck across the ocean" from everything I knew and loved.
Now, with the time of departure quickly approaching I find myself wanting to pause time and make it go slower. Because once I leave here, I don't have a clue when I will be back. Never before have I had to permanently say goodbye to a place. I have lived in the same house since I was one and my university is only an hour and a half from my house. I always return. Now, I will be saying good bye to people that I might never see again. My host family is moving to the States so when I walk through the doors of this house I have spent the last four months in, I will never come back. It is strange to think about. I don't really like it.
I guess this is just a part of life that I have been blissfully unaware of until now. It is natural and healthy for this to occur, but that doesn't mean that it is easy. I have papers and finals but I find myself shirking them to spend my last precious moments with the people I am leaving here. I have a paper due tomorrow but I probably won't start it till midnight tonight because I'm going to watch Pride and Prejudice with two of my Christian friends, Shanae and Lia. Priorities people, know where your priorities are :) This was the only night that would work and I haven't had any other time to do it so, I'll just sleep later.
I might not sleep until I get back to New York and even then....sleep probably won't happen.
I'm also trying to check things off my list before I leave here. Today, Kristen and I finally tried the speculoos cereal we have been eyeing for three months. We just had to do it. We were not disappointed. There is so much to do, so much to see, so much food to have my "last" taste of. oh, and so many good byes :(
I'm going to be so bipolar this next week and a half. I'll be like "I'm so excited to go home!!!" and do a little dance but then I'll start tearing up and say "But I don't want to go!!" You see, I'm so excited to go home. It has been far too long. But I'm also sad to move from my home here because I have such wonderful people here in my life. I'll miss my host family, my roommates, and my Christian family.
Things will be different back home when I arrive. I will be different (in a good way). I'll have a new sister (the wedding happened two days before I left so I'm still not used to having another sister), my brother has a girlfriend (not used to that), my sister is in Mexico and my other sister has her own apartment. People didn't put their lives on hold when I left. They have had adventures, introspection, trials, and blessings. I don't know how people have changed since I left. And they don't know how I have changed. This is going to be interesting.... people might also have to adjust having Krissy back in their lives....always talking, always singing and always being....Krissy :)
I'm so excited to be spending Christmas with this lovely bunch (plus one more now!) and having more ugly sweaters. I can't wait for this.
I'm so excited to tell anyone who will listen about how good God has been to me. I'm so excited to share how He has changed my life. I can't wait to lay in bed with my closest friends and talk all night about God, experiences, lessons learned, boys, music, future trips to Africa, missions, God's Will, food, prayer and life. I can't wait for the hugs, the kisses, the jokes, the warm smiles and the hand holding while secret telling. I'm looking forward to the warmth of the wood stove during the family Christmas party, the smell of NY in the wintertime, wearing my dad's coat, shopping with my mom and sisters, napping and telling everything with my sisters, drives with my Grandma, worship in the church I was raised, dancing obnoxiously, hot tang, visits from dear friends, long drives, homemade food, walks with the dogs, oh the list could go on forever.... I'm so blessed to have so much to look forward to. I treasure every relationship I have back home. Each one is different and special in its own way. Oh if I could tell you how good God has been to me....we could talk for hours.
Oh and I can't wait to make more of these with my best friends. We know how to have fun :)
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