Tripping Down a Hill

When I was abroad I would often look at Kristen when we had our assignments due and say "I feel like I'm tripping down a hill.... and rolling." Everything eventually escalated to a point where I felt completely overwhelmed. It wasn't just the course work, it was also the cultural pressures, planning trips, staying connected with people back home and generally just surviving. But, I survived and God was just as wonderful than as He has ever been. The tripping, however, as continued on this side of the Atlantic.
Last weekend I went home for a Retreat at my church. I got to see a lot of people that I haven't seen since before Belgium so it was like a mini reunion for me. I also got to see a lot of my family and friends. It was a really encouraging weekend with a great preacher who spoke from his heart. Before we left, he said that he would pray for all of us at the Retreat because (from his personal experience) the hardest struggles usually occurred right after an encouraging weekend. I sat there and knew the next week was going to be rough. An assignment or test due everyday and no way of starting any of it till midnight on Sunday? Oh yes, I knew the week was going to be rough.

I was not disappointed. I feel wrong complaining because my week could have been so much worse. I don't even want to imagine what a lot of people were going through last week. I thankfully had no deaths, horrendous news or broken bones but I did have a somewhat scary medical diagnosis with my eye (that what I have been dealing with for almost two months could be a precursor to MS...but it's unlikely), a rejection of the internship that was absolutely perfect for me, discouragement and many many late nights. Half way through the week I got a sinus infection. I felt fine but randomly tears would just come out of my eyes accompanied by a runny noise and that pre-sneeze feeling. Poor guy in my Archaeology thought I was having a breakdown. Felt great, just had to cry. haha oh the silly sinuses. My constant prayer was "Just get me through this paper....this test...this project" and I got through it :) God answers prayers. Honestly, I don't even know why He cares about the little problems. In the whole scheme of life, most of the things I was worried about or will be worried about won't even matter. But He took care of them anyway.

Monday night we had a leader come from BASIC (Brothers and Sisters in Christ) to give a talk to our Christian group about upcoming events amongst other things. He spoke on Esther, which has to be one of my favorite Bible stories (the phrase "for such a time as this" still sends shivers down my spine) and he encouraged us in the fact that, because there were only about 15 Christians on Campus, we could really reach this campus for God. He meant it as an encouragement but I felt like I was being a failure because I wasn't out there preaching in the street and winning converts (though I think that that option rarely works). I have been at this school for three years. What have I done? I pray that people don't see me but the One who lives in me. But I was convicted/discouraged/not sure what to do so I sent a message to one of my good friends, looking for advice from someone who loved God and knew me and the campus well enough to say what needed said. The response was heartfelt and encouraging. He brought to my attention the parable of the seeds and how, in the course of our life time, we may never see how many seeds that we sowed will be harvested. Who knows the extent of our actions and our words? I was encouraged that, though I could not see it now, God's will was being done in my life.

I think it will be pretty sweet to sit down with God one day and rewind my life. We'll go through every step of it and He'll be like:

 "You see that time you were scared to death? Don't you now see how many angels I had surrounding you?"

"You see that time you were disappointed that your plans didn't work out? Don't you now see what an amazing thing I did instead of that?"

 "You see those tears? Didn't they draw you closer to me?"
"Do you see that time you had no idea how anything would work out? And I blew your mind? Yeah."

"You needed money, didn't you? And miraculously some anonymous friend donated the perfect amount you needed. That happened more than once, didn't it?"
"The lonely times? They made you appreciate the friends you had and the friends that were coming to you."
"That soccer career-ending injury? I saved you from something much worse. And didn't that pain cause you to grow into the person I needed you to be?"

"Those failed exams? Gave you a little more humility, didn't they?" (and at that point I'll blush, look away and admit that I was not perfect. And this thought will continue to go through my mind: "WHY DO YOU LOVE ME!?!?!?"

"Those crushed dreams? I gave you bigger dreams, and I proved faithful."

"The broken hearts? They brought you to the one of My plans."

"That person you smiled and were a friend to? He now calls me Father."

I hope God does this with me. I'm just imagining His warm smile and it makes my heart melt. One day I'll look back at everything and realize that He, indeed, did know what He was doing with me. So until then, here is one imperfect lady serving a perfect God waking up everyday amazed that He smiles down on me and calls me His.

Whale you be my Valentine? Most Dolphinetly!

Happy Valentine's Day! I would go on and on about how it stinks to be single on Valentine's Day but it's not. I love Valentine's Day and I loved today. I looked forward to it and I was not disappointed. Let me share :)

I love Valentine's Day because it is essentially about love. It does not have to be a romantic love, just love. It's about hearts and pink and candy and flowers and everything happy. It could be a commercialized holiday fabricated to empty our pockets (which is probably true) but it could also be a day where friends make a point of getting dinner, dressing up and showing their love.

I have always had many Valentine's but never any "official" ones. This year, my friend Meghan and I were each other's Valentine's. Then I had the wonderful surprise of my sisters planning a visit to Geneva with dinner included so I spent the night surrounded by some of my favorite people on this planet.

Stephanie (WHO I HAVEN'T SEEN SINCE BEFORE BELGIUM!!!) and Meghan :)

Leah and I :)

The Four of us trying to get a picture with all our eyes open....slightly successful. 

Four Valentine's, how blessed we are!

My Valentine

A surprise from my boss, only been working for him for a month and he knows what I like haha All the RAs got Valentines, it's the thought that counts.

Yes, I love Valentine's Day. I love getting cards from my Parents and sister and I love having an excuse to be with the people I love and not even think about all the work that is due tomorrow. Because, when it comes down to it...these people will always be there for me. Homework will not. They will (and have) helped me through life and I was so thankful to have drive all the way to my school just to make my day. Put that together with my true Valentine who romances me consistently and I am just the most blessed girl you could know.

I wish everyday could be Valentine's Day. Well, maybe I won't go that far :)

Convicted

Per usual I should be doing work right now, but somehow I stumbled across this sermon on youtube and it is amazing.
It is a sermon done by Francis Chan, the author of Crazy Love (a book I  desperately want to read!).
He asked this question:

"Is it Christ that you love right now? Is it Him you desire? I don't mean this concept of God like some of us are in love with this concept that there is this being up there; all-powerful who has shown us grace. I'm not saying that, I'm saying HIM. It's not loving the concept, the idea of God, the idea of forgiveness, it's loving Jesus Himself. The very person of God, are you in love with Him?" He continues on to quote Jon Piper's God is the Gospel

"If you could have Heaven with everything; No pain, no sickness anymore, all the physical pleasures, the best food you could have, no trials, the best scenery but Jesus wasn't there...would you be happy? Would you be content? Is it the stuff that He offers that you want or is it Him? See God himself if the Gospel, it is Him we should love."

I found it to be a quiet reminder, telling me that though God's blessings are so rich and awesome in my life....it is essentially HIM that I should love. What am I in love with? His blessings or Him? Oh it was so good to have some self-introspection and be cut to the heart. Thank you, Lord.When all my blessings are stripped away (it could happen) I want to be just as in love with Jesus as I am now. He desires a relationship with me, everything else is just a bonus in this small thing called life .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5ILptT_CRo&feature=related

Who Knew?!

I have been slack in a lot of things lately, my blog included. I apologize, let me catch you up on a few things"

This update is just for fun:

My cousin Mark promised to take me out for my birthday before I left for Belgium. That never happened. He remembered and kept his word and we went out to Olive Garden the day before I went back to Geneva. I love him, he is such a good guy :)

My room was awfully dreary when I moved in and, to be quite honest, I didn't want to be here. My dad brightened up my room with my favorite flowers! Example number 1 million why he is the best man in my life.

I chose to go with a Nautical theme for the floor. This is one of my favorite quotes and I can often hear it read by drunk first years as I'm crawling into bed on a Friday or Saturday night. One girl was reading it (it is right near my door which is the closest door to the stairs) and said "I'm going to read this while I'm drunk and cry." I laughed. I like these ladies I live with.

Please compare my eyes. What do you see? That my left pupil is HUGE!

Here is what happened: I was sitting at work and my vision went a little funny. Interesting, that never happens. Then, all of a sudden, my vision in the left eye shatters and flashes spider webs. Most assuredly not normal. I call my mom, of course, she tells me to call the eye doctor immediately. I do. They want me in asap. Why not? I have nothing better to do. I get a taxi voucher (getting to know the health system at this school quite well) and off to the eye doctor I go! I walk in and just give them a look. Serves me right, last time I was there I told them I hoped to never them again and laughed. How ironic. The eye doctor comes in and assures that this has nothing to do with the eye infection I have been fighting in my other eye for the last three weeks. It is an ocular migraine. Never heard of that before. They didn't tell me that they were dilating my eye, good thing he warned me how huge my pupil was before I left! I would have been in for a nasty surprise. Everyone I talked to that day seemed to enjoy themselves.  So, learned something new: if your vision "shatters" like broken glass or keeps flashing you are 1) having a stroke 2) an ocular migraine or 3) tripping on acid (my doctor asked me if I was! Apparently he thought I needed a joke...)

A positive about having your vision go cRaZy?

Seeing this guy:

I'm really not photogenic, sorry.

My mom told him it was probably serious (it is still happening so we will see!) and that he should take the day off in case I needed him. He took a family sick day and came and visited me :) We had lunch, he restocked my fridge, brought homemade cookies from my mom, homemade soup and other delectables. And he bought Winston (my new, rescued gold fish....that is another story!) a glow in the dark plant for his bowl and it looks amazing in the blacklight!!!

Last week I got to see my brother and sister in law (still so Weird to say that!!!) and this week my dad....who knows who this week will bring!!?! :)

May God bless you this week and keep you in the palm of His hand.