One of my best friends here just got engaged. I am just so tickled. Engagements, births, baptisms and all around good news make me so happy. I feel like they are happening to me!
I get excited way too easily but I honestly love that about myself :)
Monday, January 30, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Shoes
In all honesty, I hate shoes. They smell funny and have who knows what encrusted into their creases. I think they are gross.
But, my heart has been changing.
The summer after my first year of college I was blessed with the opportunity to go on a Holocaust Remembrance trip through Germany and Poland. As a huge history buff and dedicated reader of anything World War Two related, I excitedly boarded the plane wondering what I would experience for the next ten days.
It is weird writing about it now, after having had my own experiences abroad for four months. Before Belgium "The Holocaust Trip" was my big trip and before that was "Spain", will Belgium soon be overshadowed by my next life changing journey? Oh the possibilities! God spoils me so much.
As you can imagine, it was a very difficult trip. We stood in gas chambers, drew close to the two survivors we traveled with, heard stories, sang, cried, stood in shock at mass graves, walked victims "last walk" and saw the horrible things people could do to each other. I still think I haven't gotten over it. Actually, I know I haven't. I still find it impossible that humans were capable of doing that to other human beings. It literally blew my mind and I still haven't "coped" with everything I experienced.
The way people coped with what we saw on the trip varied depending on the person. Some became angry, some cried...a lot, some became speechless, some were shocked and others numbly went through the motions unable to deal with what we were experiencing.
I imagined that I would cry everywhere we went. I had done my research and I knew it was going to be amazingly depressing. However, I was surprised when I didn't cry at all. We would debrief each night as a group (I went with my school, another college and various community members) and I would sit there and listen to everyone else's testimony, filled with tears. I wondered if something was wrong with me. I was upset, I was heartbroken and I just felt numb. I was assured that yes, what I was experiencing was normal. Each person has their own reaction.
We visited Majdanek on one of our last days in Poland. It was creepy how real it felt to be there. There was the mound of human ash, the gas cans, the furnaces....
but for some reason they told stories about victims in the camp that seemed to resemble me. They described the story of one survivor who had a twin sister with blonde hair. The last thing he saw of her was her braid as she was being led away to the gas chambers. My hair was braided that day. It is no mystery how much I love my family, I love being a twin, I love having both older brothers and sisters to keep my head leveled. Every story they told at that camp just struck a cord that I was unable to feel up to that point in the trip.
Another thing that was cautioned throughout the trip was that we would be unable to comprehend the amount of death that occurred. We would see the collection of hair, personal items and shoes but it would be very difficult for us to grasp the magnitude of everything we saw. Every camp we went to had shoes that were collected from those imprisoned in the camp. Shoes shoes and more shoes....so many!
They told us to just pick one and make that our story. Just one shoe would make everything more real to us.
Secretly I thought that was silly, how in the world could I find one shoe, among the millions, that would become "mine". Throughout the trip a lot of people picked little kid shoes or ones that still had color. That was not for me (though I was happy for all of them that they found "their" shoe). But, of course, in Majdanek, things changed for me. I was looking at the shoes when all of a sudden I saw the biggest shoe I had seen the entire trip. It was literally HUGE. I stood there for a second then realized this wasn't just a shoe.
This was a person who probably put their shoes on that fateful morning wondering if today was the day they would be caught. The shoe was with the man when he ran through the streets frantically searching for a loved one or when he tied his shoe that day, realizing that his time was running out. That shoe was someone's. He saw it at a shop, tried it on, bought it and wore it on his first date with the woman he planned to marry. The shoe represented a sister who would never trip over them in the middle of the night (something I often did because my brothers had a difficult time of putting their shoes away!). The shoe represented a mother that would never again yell at her son to take his dirty shoes off before walking through the house. Yes it was just a shoe, but it meant so much more. And I cried.
But, my heart has been changing.
The summer after my first year of college I was blessed with the opportunity to go on a Holocaust Remembrance trip through Germany and Poland. As a huge history buff and dedicated reader of anything World War Two related, I excitedly boarded the plane wondering what I would experience for the next ten days.
It is weird writing about it now, after having had my own experiences abroad for four months. Before Belgium "The Holocaust Trip" was my big trip and before that was "Spain", will Belgium soon be overshadowed by my next life changing journey? Oh the possibilities! God spoils me so much.
As you can imagine, it was a very difficult trip. We stood in gas chambers, drew close to the two survivors we traveled with, heard stories, sang, cried, stood in shock at mass graves, walked victims "last walk" and saw the horrible things people could do to each other. I still think I haven't gotten over it. Actually, I know I haven't. I still find it impossible that humans were capable of doing that to other human beings. It literally blew my mind and I still haven't "coped" with everything I experienced.
The way people coped with what we saw on the trip varied depending on the person. Some became angry, some cried...a lot, some became speechless, some were shocked and others numbly went through the motions unable to deal with what we were experiencing.
I imagined that I would cry everywhere we went. I had done my research and I knew it was going to be amazingly depressing. However, I was surprised when I didn't cry at all. We would debrief each night as a group (I went with my school, another college and various community members) and I would sit there and listen to everyone else's testimony, filled with tears. I wondered if something was wrong with me. I was upset, I was heartbroken and I just felt numb. I was assured that yes, what I was experiencing was normal. Each person has their own reaction.
We visited Majdanek on one of our last days in Poland. It was creepy how real it felt to be there. There was the mound of human ash, the gas cans, the furnaces....
but for some reason they told stories about victims in the camp that seemed to resemble me. They described the story of one survivor who had a twin sister with blonde hair. The last thing he saw of her was her braid as she was being led away to the gas chambers. My hair was braided that day. It is no mystery how much I love my family, I love being a twin, I love having both older brothers and sisters to keep my head leveled. Every story they told at that camp just struck a cord that I was unable to feel up to that point in the trip.
Another thing that was cautioned throughout the trip was that we would be unable to comprehend the amount of death that occurred. We would see the collection of hair, personal items and shoes but it would be very difficult for us to grasp the magnitude of everything we saw. Every camp we went to had shoes that were collected from those imprisoned in the camp. Shoes shoes and more shoes....so many!
They told us to just pick one and make that our story. Just one shoe would make everything more real to us.
Secretly I thought that was silly, how in the world could I find one shoe, among the millions, that would become "mine". Throughout the trip a lot of people picked little kid shoes or ones that still had color. That was not for me (though I was happy for all of them that they found "their" shoe). But, of course, in Majdanek, things changed for me. I was looking at the shoes when all of a sudden I saw the biggest shoe I had seen the entire trip. It was literally HUGE. I stood there for a second then realized this wasn't just a shoe.
This was a person who probably put their shoes on that fateful morning wondering if today was the day they would be caught. The shoe was with the man when he ran through the streets frantically searching for a loved one or when he tied his shoe that day, realizing that his time was running out. That shoe was someone's. He saw it at a shop, tried it on, bought it and wore it on his first date with the woman he planned to marry. The shoe represented a sister who would never trip over them in the middle of the night (something I often did because my brothers had a difficult time of putting their shoes away!). The shoe represented a mother that would never again yell at her son to take his dirty shoes off before walking through the house. Yes it was just a shoe, but it meant so much more. And I cried.
My shoe, Majdanek, Poland.
Last year, as I had my own room as an RA, I would often have more people in my room than I was used to. At one point I had to take a picture of the variety of shoes that were outside my door (it gets way to snowy/slushy here). On Saturday I was walking into my room and I counted eight pairs of shoes scattered in front of my door. It made me so happy because I knew that each pair of those shoes had a story! Each pair of shoes belongs to one of my friends. Call me cheesy or sentimental, I am. But I am beginning to love shoes because that pair of shoes sitting outside my door brought that friend to me. The shoes are dirty and smell but they protected the feet that are now cozy on my rug. The shoes show me that my friend is HERE!
So excuse me if you see me staring at your shoes, wondering where they have been and what they have carried you through. They are welcome outside my door anytime :)
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Transitions
I have cried more here in Geneva than I did in Belgium. I think it is an interesting paradox. Over there I was more by myself, separated by thousands of miles and only the occasional communication. Here I have basically everything I need AND I speak the language. It has just been a little rough.
The first couple of days I was at training and almost the entire staff had changed from last year. I knew virtually no one and it was strange having people come up to me and acting as if I was the new person on staff (I'm a Resident Assistant for an all girls floor, similar to my role last year). I have been there longer than most of them! It was also difficult because I am back in Freshman housing. I was fortunate last year to work as an RA in the all female residence hall. When I was on duty (going on rounds to make sure no one is passed out or doing "activities" against the Community Standards) very little happened because all the first year women were 1) well behaved 2) down partying in Freshman housing or 3) both. This semester I'm on duty with the co-ed housing. I lived in the same building Freshman year, learned a lot and decided I never wanted to live there again. God always like to switch things up :)
I know it sounds like I am complaining but the truth is....I am. Up to today, I didn't really want to be here. I LOVED Belgium. There were the rough patches but ohhh there were so many amazing things. Everyone keeps asking me "How was Belgium!?" and I really can't describe to them the things I saw, the people I met, the way God showed me how AMAZING He is.... I wonder if my eyes glaze over and a cheesy smile crosses my face...
It's difficult to actually have responsibilities. I have 26 young women in my care now. I went through their names before I met them, praying for them...knowing that somehow, for some reason God knew what He was doing when He put me on this floor. I love them already.
Things started to look up when my boss (who, I must remind you, only knows me as the "girl who went to Belgium and is now back") came up to my room to check on my floor decorations. The door was propped open and I was shoved in a corner sitting on a half seat, surrounded by all my unpacked belongings. I had a marker in my hand as I was writing the names on the door tags. He entered and said "Hi Krissy, uhhh, you have blue on your lip." Embarrassed, I ran behind the propped door to look in the mirror. I had blue marker on my lip and teeth. Apparently it is not a good idea to wipe your moist mouth with hands that have marker on them. Awkwardly, he stood on the other side of the door as I quickly cleaned my face. He asked if I made a habit of eating markers. I replied it was a habit I was trying to break. We went out into the hallway to look at my floor and I was talking with my hands (I gesture a fair amount...can't help it) when I looked down and saw that both my hands were blue. He noticed at the same time and said "You're a wreck, aren't you?!" I almost burst into tears because it was true!!! I replied that the transition was hard. He got a taste of the real Krissy. I had to laugh later that night....oh course one of his first impressions of me would be with paint all over my face. Of course. The next day we had a drug seminar as part of our training and the policeman said that a sign of a "sniffer" (someone that sniffs things to get high) was paint on their face. All I could think of was "Oh great, now Pete must think I'm a druggie."
We had our "Last Dinner" of RA training and they passed out encouragement notes that fellow RAs wrote to us. I got one that just made training for me. It was from a woman I had only known for a little, we chatted but because we were on different staffs I didn't see her that much. She lived in the room directly above me last year (and her roommate was always dancing at two in the morning so I visited it a couple of times to tell her to CALM DOWN) so I knew her. In her note she wrote that I had a kindness about me that made her say "I want to be her friend", that meant so much to me. Guess what? We just keep running into each other, hanging out and becoming friends :)
Then friends started coming and invading my room, Jane Austen was watched, updates made, ice cream enjoyed and it began to feel more like the school I use to love.
Academics were a stresser because, as you all may know, it was no secret how little work I did whilst in Belgium! DO THEY ACTUALLY EXPECT ME TO WORK!?! haha, not going to lie, I'm going to have to kick myself into gear. Somehow my grades turned out well from abroad (Thank you, Lord!) Today I had an epiphany and decided that I'm going to double major in International Relations (that was already decided) and Ancient Greek (because I LOVE it!). I ran from one Advisor's office to the other, things seem to be falling into place!!!
My body must be "adjusting" (hmm, that doesn't sound familiar or anything) because I ended up at the Health Center today with swollen glands, coughing, other wonderful symptoms and pink eye. Why not start the semester off well? I must just love the attention I get from doctors.
But my twin brother and cousin brought my futon and rug (among other things) up to school so now this room is starting to feel more like home :) I had to have my boss come and help us take it apart because we got the futon stuck on the stairs while we were trying to get it to the fourth floor. He helped, they carried and in the end, I'm just one very blessed girl. I have my God who always works out the situations I don't want to be in, I have homemade food brought up, my futon to sit on, the sunflowers from my dad and the constant reminder everyday how much I'm loved.
Yeah, this is not going to be smooth sailing but tis life, everything can't be perfect, can it?
Let's see what wonderful things will happen this semester, what things God will teach and who He will bring into my life.
I won't lie, I'm kind of excited :)
The first couple of days I was at training and almost the entire staff had changed from last year. I knew virtually no one and it was strange having people come up to me and acting as if I was the new person on staff (I'm a Resident Assistant for an all girls floor, similar to my role last year). I have been there longer than most of them! It was also difficult because I am back in Freshman housing. I was fortunate last year to work as an RA in the all female residence hall. When I was on duty (going on rounds to make sure no one is passed out or doing "activities" against the Community Standards) very little happened because all the first year women were 1) well behaved 2) down partying in Freshman housing or 3) both. This semester I'm on duty with the co-ed housing. I lived in the same building Freshman year, learned a lot and decided I never wanted to live there again. God always like to switch things up :)
I know it sounds like I am complaining but the truth is....I am. Up to today, I didn't really want to be here. I LOVED Belgium. There were the rough patches but ohhh there were so many amazing things. Everyone keeps asking me "How was Belgium!?" and I really can't describe to them the things I saw, the people I met, the way God showed me how AMAZING He is.... I wonder if my eyes glaze over and a cheesy smile crosses my face...
It's difficult to actually have responsibilities. I have 26 young women in my care now. I went through their names before I met them, praying for them...knowing that somehow, for some reason God knew what He was doing when He put me on this floor. I love them already.
Things started to look up when my boss (who, I must remind you, only knows me as the "girl who went to Belgium and is now back") came up to my room to check on my floor decorations. The door was propped open and I was shoved in a corner sitting on a half seat, surrounded by all my unpacked belongings. I had a marker in my hand as I was writing the names on the door tags. He entered and said "Hi Krissy, uhhh, you have blue on your lip." Embarrassed, I ran behind the propped door to look in the mirror. I had blue marker on my lip and teeth. Apparently it is not a good idea to wipe your moist mouth with hands that have marker on them. Awkwardly, he stood on the other side of the door as I quickly cleaned my face. He asked if I made a habit of eating markers. I replied it was a habit I was trying to break. We went out into the hallway to look at my floor and I was talking with my hands (I gesture a fair amount...can't help it) when I looked down and saw that both my hands were blue. He noticed at the same time and said "You're a wreck, aren't you?!" I almost burst into tears because it was true!!! I replied that the transition was hard. He got a taste of the real Krissy. I had to laugh later that night....oh course one of his first impressions of me would be with paint all over my face. Of course. The next day we had a drug seminar as part of our training and the policeman said that a sign of a "sniffer" (someone that sniffs things to get high) was paint on their face. All I could think of was "Oh great, now Pete must think I'm a druggie."
We had our "Last Dinner" of RA training and they passed out encouragement notes that fellow RAs wrote to us. I got one that just made training for me. It was from a woman I had only known for a little, we chatted but because we were on different staffs I didn't see her that much. She lived in the room directly above me last year (and her roommate was always dancing at two in the morning so I visited it a couple of times to tell her to CALM DOWN) so I knew her. In her note she wrote that I had a kindness about me that made her say "I want to be her friend", that meant so much to me. Guess what? We just keep running into each other, hanging out and becoming friends :)
Then friends started coming and invading my room, Jane Austen was watched, updates made, ice cream enjoyed and it began to feel more like the school I use to love.
Academics were a stresser because, as you all may know, it was no secret how little work I did whilst in Belgium! DO THEY ACTUALLY EXPECT ME TO WORK!?! haha, not going to lie, I'm going to have to kick myself into gear. Somehow my grades turned out well from abroad (Thank you, Lord!) Today I had an epiphany and decided that I'm going to double major in International Relations (that was already decided) and Ancient Greek (because I LOVE it!). I ran from one Advisor's office to the other, things seem to be falling into place!!!
My body must be "adjusting" (hmm, that doesn't sound familiar or anything) because I ended up at the Health Center today with swollen glands, coughing, other wonderful symptoms and pink eye. Why not start the semester off well? I must just love the attention I get from doctors.
But my twin brother and cousin brought my futon and rug (among other things) up to school so now this room is starting to feel more like home :) I had to have my boss come and help us take it apart because we got the futon stuck on the stairs while we were trying to get it to the fourth floor. He helped, they carried and in the end, I'm just one very blessed girl. I have my God who always works out the situations I don't want to be in, I have homemade food brought up, my futon to sit on, the sunflowers from my dad and the constant reminder everyday how much I'm loved.
Yeah, this is not going to be smooth sailing but tis life, everything can't be perfect, can it?
Let's see what wonderful things will happen this semester, what things God will teach and who He will bring into my life.
I won't lie, I'm kind of excited :)
Monday, January 9, 2012
Contentment
"Now godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content."
1 Timothy 6:6-8
Out of all the feelings I could experience, the one I want the most is contentment. Happiness, excitement, love and surprise are all wonderful feelings that I savor and only wish they could last longer. Recently though, contentment has been the one thing/feeling that I want. Because with contentment, what do you really need?
It is not a profound idea, Apostle Paul was writing to Timothy about it thousands of years ago. Regardless of what people say...contentment is what we want. It is what I want. Lately God has been teaching me to be content and I have enjoyed this lesson.
Contentment is Jesus.
Contentment is long strolls, warm cookies, a best friend to talk away the night (and morning) with, a baby's laughter, warm cookies, dates/movies with your parents (alone time with them is treasured even more so because having five kids does not leave an ample amount of individual time), smiles, jokes, wonderful people, breathing, laughing, family, time devoted to me from a friend, waking up in the morning knowing everything is going to be okay, blessings, blessings and more blessings.
Uncontent-is there even a word for not content?!
Being content is a treasure that should be searched for! What happiness we could all afford if we were content? Nothing I have now will go with me when I die. The clothes, the stuff, the clutter...none of it (Thank God) will follow me to Heaven. If it did, then I would be putting a lot more stock in it! I would get as much as I could so that when I arrived at the Pearly Gates, God would look at me, smile and say "Well done, my faithful servant! You have acquired all this stuff for my glory, well done, well done." Thankfully, we can into this world naked and naked we will leave it (figuratively, of course). What matters are the relationships and people. Every person we meet is part of our plan. God knew we would meet. He puts people in our lives to spur, edify, admonish, teach, and help us become the people God wants us to be.
I may find a person frustrating but God put that person in my life. It could be so that I could learn patience or to love more like Christ. It may be to give them a friend and a way to God. Who knows?
With contentment we can be powerful. We can be happy. True contentment can only come in the face of God. It is only when we find Him and stay with Him that our hearts are content. It is a struggle, the world tells us what we need to be happy. God is teaching me. I wish I was perfect but then life would be too boring. What else do you truly need, in this life time or the next, if you have everything in the One who has made everything?
"He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, To love mercy and to walk humbly with your God?"
Micah 6:8
Micah 6:8
Monday, January 2, 2012
Stateside
It is very strange to be sitting here in my living room....in New York. The house has had some alterations to it since I left it but overall it looks the same. Sometimes I wonder if Belgium really happened. From the time I got there, I knew I was coming home on December 17th. Regardless of what happened during the four months in Europe, I was getting on a flight to Newark at ten in the morning.
Whereas I always had this in the back of my mind, I didn't really expect it to happen. I mean, I did...but I didn't. I can't describe how many times I went to bed in Brussels asking myself "Is this a dream?!" I felt close to God, I felt His purpose, I knew that, regardless of delays and stress, His will would be done. Life wasn't perfect over there, but oh it was wonderful.
There is something special about being isolated and, at times, lonely. I feel like it is at that spot where you find God in a way you never had before. We all need God. Obviously :) But, as I was trying to figure out my "adjustment" here, I read a book (this deserves its own post from me!) about a young woman called to Africa. She came back to the states for a semester but hated it. There were many things she was dealing with but one thought of hers really struck me. She described how she felt closer to God in Africa because she didn't have everything she needed there. If there wasn't enough food in the States, she would simply go to the store. In Africa, especially where she lives, sometimes you need a little more trust. I found the same sort of thinking (though Brussels is by no means Africa). There were times where I was legitimately lost and scared. There were times when I felt so alone. There were times I just had no idea what to do. But it was at those times that I turned to God. I didn't have a cell phone to call my parents for advice. I didn't have my closest friends from home with me (I made very close friends, thank God) to comfort me and make me forget my worries. I didn't have a lot of what I do now, here in the States. I enjoyed that trust I developed (and still have!) and I couldn't tell you how thankful I am to God for His faithfulness.
Now I am in a different phase. God is going to teach me something new, but I find myself desiring that full dependence on Him again where I had no choice but to trust...that was all I could do! Ahh He is teaching me, I just wish I deserved Him a little bit more. There is a children's song that goes like "He's still working on me, to make me what I ought to be...." That will be my song till I die.
I look back at my semester in Belgium and I have to smile. From the beginning, I should have known it would be an adventure! Paris (with screaming children!), meeting Owl City, Germany, London, Ireland, my various trips to the Netherlands, the talks, the meals, the walks, the quiet time, the city, the people (such interesting people!), the food, the sights, the moments that will forever stay in my heart....all of this while meeting and growing close with the wonderful people God placed in my life. My roommates (especially Julia who dealt with me the entire semester), my host family, the friends I made through classes, Kristen (who supported and encouraged my lunches of free samples at Colruyt and the semester long procrastination), the church family, the Bible study group who really became my family in Brussels (my sisters, my brothers and the mentors) and everyone who took me in and made me feel like family wherever I was staying. A random email from me would be answered with kindness and excitement to see me. Time and time again. I'm thankful that Julia's program adopted me so that I had both a professor and a friend that cared deeply for me.
It was hard to leave because I loved so many things and people in Europe but I also loved so many things in the States! Finals pushed me more towards home and as I sat next to Kristen (after being bumped from the flight...then rushed on to it) we just talked about how crazy our adventures have been. We rode over together, barely knowing each other and now we were returning, close friends :) She listened through every emotion of mine the entire semester, she could probably tell you more about my emotional state than I could!
I contemplated running through the airport yelling "I love America!!" But just one look from the security guard made me rethink that plan and act like a good, American citizen until I crossed the customs checkpoint.
My parents were there to pick me up and I became an emotional twist of tears and smiles, so happy to be home. The next day I was sitting in Church, surrounded by loved ones, hugged more than I could count and very happy. The transition has been weird. Sometimes I have moments like "I can walk up and ask a question without asking "Do you speak English?"" Or, I was eating out and realized that I could understand the people talking at the table next to us. Strange flashbacks are triggered by a simple word or phrase but it is all part of the process.
There are frustrations with dealing with change but I'm so happy to be back with my family and friends and with the people who have encouraged me, cheered me on and made me laugh as I cried. My support team is the best and God MUST have known how much I would (and will) need them. I'm one blessed woman, regardless of how bad the day...I have nothing to complain about.
I have decided to continue my blog to document this journey called life even though I am no longer in Europe. I'll be heading back to my school in less than two weeks and let's just say God will be teaching my a lot this semester. But I'll take it a moment at a time, take that chance and see what amazing things God is going to do!
Whereas I always had this in the back of my mind, I didn't really expect it to happen. I mean, I did...but I didn't. I can't describe how many times I went to bed in Brussels asking myself "Is this a dream?!" I felt close to God, I felt His purpose, I knew that, regardless of delays and stress, His will would be done. Life wasn't perfect over there, but oh it was wonderful.
There is something special about being isolated and, at times, lonely. I feel like it is at that spot where you find God in a way you never had before. We all need God. Obviously :) But, as I was trying to figure out my "adjustment" here, I read a book (this deserves its own post from me!) about a young woman called to Africa. She came back to the states for a semester but hated it. There were many things she was dealing with but one thought of hers really struck me. She described how she felt closer to God in Africa because she didn't have everything she needed there. If there wasn't enough food in the States, she would simply go to the store. In Africa, especially where she lives, sometimes you need a little more trust. I found the same sort of thinking (though Brussels is by no means Africa). There were times where I was legitimately lost and scared. There were times when I felt so alone. There were times I just had no idea what to do. But it was at those times that I turned to God. I didn't have a cell phone to call my parents for advice. I didn't have my closest friends from home with me (I made very close friends, thank God) to comfort me and make me forget my worries. I didn't have a lot of what I do now, here in the States. I enjoyed that trust I developed (and still have!) and I couldn't tell you how thankful I am to God for His faithfulness.
Now I am in a different phase. God is going to teach me something new, but I find myself desiring that full dependence on Him again where I had no choice but to trust...that was all I could do! Ahh He is teaching me, I just wish I deserved Him a little bit more. There is a children's song that goes like "He's still working on me, to make me what I ought to be...." That will be my song till I die.
I look back at my semester in Belgium and I have to smile. From the beginning, I should have known it would be an adventure! Paris (with screaming children!), meeting Owl City, Germany, London, Ireland, my various trips to the Netherlands, the talks, the meals, the walks, the quiet time, the city, the people (such interesting people!), the food, the sights, the moments that will forever stay in my heart....all of this while meeting and growing close with the wonderful people God placed in my life. My roommates (especially Julia who dealt with me the entire semester), my host family, the friends I made through classes, Kristen (who supported and encouraged my lunches of free samples at Colruyt and the semester long procrastination), the church family, the Bible study group who really became my family in Brussels (my sisters, my brothers and the mentors) and everyone who took me in and made me feel like family wherever I was staying. A random email from me would be answered with kindness and excitement to see me. Time and time again. I'm thankful that Julia's program adopted me so that I had both a professor and a friend that cared deeply for me.
It was hard to leave because I loved so many things and people in Europe but I also loved so many things in the States! Finals pushed me more towards home and as I sat next to Kristen (after being bumped from the flight...then rushed on to it) we just talked about how crazy our adventures have been. We rode over together, barely knowing each other and now we were returning, close friends :) She listened through every emotion of mine the entire semester, she could probably tell you more about my emotional state than I could!
I contemplated running through the airport yelling "I love America!!" But just one look from the security guard made me rethink that plan and act like a good, American citizen until I crossed the customs checkpoint.
My parents were there to pick me up and I became an emotional twist of tears and smiles, so happy to be home. The next day I was sitting in Church, surrounded by loved ones, hugged more than I could count and very happy. The transition has been weird. Sometimes I have moments like "I can walk up and ask a question without asking "Do you speak English?"" Or, I was eating out and realized that I could understand the people talking at the table next to us. Strange flashbacks are triggered by a simple word or phrase but it is all part of the process.
There are frustrations with dealing with change but I'm so happy to be back with my family and friends and with the people who have encouraged me, cheered me on and made me laugh as I cried. My support team is the best and God MUST have known how much I would (and will) need them. I'm one blessed woman, regardless of how bad the day...I have nothing to complain about.
I have decided to continue my blog to document this journey called life even though I am no longer in Europe. I'll be heading back to my school in less than two weeks and let's just say God will be teaching my a lot this semester. But I'll take it a moment at a time, take that chance and see what amazing things God is going to do!
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