Waiting For Caleb

God teaches us in amazing ways. This particular lesson was brought on as I struggled with a crush I had on a 17 year-old.

Before you jump to conclusions and label me a creep, let me explain. When I say "crush" I simply mean that I hold a guy in higher fondness than other guys. I'm not in love with him, but I do love him.

Let me introduce you to Caleb. God blessed me with an amazing friend in Michigan. You may remember Emily from this post. Caleb is Emily's younger brother and the sweetest guy you'll ever meet. He reminds me a lot of my sister, Stephanie, with his quiet yet sincere and attentive actions. Last summer I remember watching across the table as he whispered to an elderly woman, asking if she would like coffee. She replied that she would. He then asked if she would like a thin or thick handle on the cup. He asked her which would be easier on her hand. I was shocked. I appreciate the way he cares for his siblings, is attentive to the elderly and listens to everyone.

So that is Caleb. As I was considering my crush on this wonderful guy and affirming that it was harmless and that we had, in fact, signed contracts that we would be siblings. Forever. I laughed at myself and then BAM. God moment. He uses me even when I'm absolutely ridiculous. This thought came to me: "If I knew I would marry Caleb in five or even ten years...wouldn't I wait? Would I even look at any other guys if he was the one for me? Would I worry about God sending him or pine over my age if I knew he was coming?"

duhh. Of course not.

I never thought of that before. I would gladly wait ten, twenty, thirty or even forty years to be with the person God intended me to be with. A secret dream of mine is to be married (happily) for 50 years. My grandparents did it and I remember attending their "Golden Anniversary" party. And wanting my own. But if it is not right then I don't want the 50 years. I'll wait 50 years to spend a year with the man intended for me. And I mean that. I will wait.

But there is no guarantee that Caleb or any other guy will be there at the end of that wait. When I gave my life to Christ, He guaranteed that He would never leave me. He didn't guarantee that he would send me a guy at the age of 21 or make me rich or provide me with every earthly thing that I desire. He never said that. The more I grow in Christ, the more I realize (over and over again) how awesome He is. I am convinced that His desires and plans are better than mine. I know that if I follow Him, then my life will be everything it is meant to be. With a man or without a man, I will be content in my Savior being fulfilled truly and only through him.

I have been asked multiple times why I have never had a boyfriend. Most of the time someone else answers for me stating "She's waiting for the right one". I am thankful for someone else answering that question cause I'm sick of it. It infers that there is something wrong with me or I'm not complete without a man. And I'm complete in Christ.

But I always want to correct the person and tell them that I am not waiting. Waiting implies that I'm not doing everything I should until he arrives. Years ago I was asked the question "How would you act if you knew you wouldn't get married for the next five years? What would you do?" And it was from that point on that I decided I would not wait for a man. I really don't know God's plans for me. Maybe I'm not to marry. Would I then spend my whole life waiting for nothing? I will wait for One.

"Wait on the Lord;

Be of good courage,

And He shall strengthen your heart; 

Wait, I say, on the Lord!"

Psalms 27:14

The way I view the "wait" until my (maybe) marriage is one where I'm running a race with the goal being Christ. He is the one I'm following and I'll continue doing that until the day I die and He calls me home. When (and if) I meet the guy God has for me, he better come running along next to me on the same path with the same goal. He'll be third-wheeling my relationship with Jesus because there is no way he is coming and taking His place. When he comes though he better bring a nice bottle of water to encourage me on my way. Because that is what we will be doing for each other. We will be each other's water; hydrating, renewing and reminding. 

So I'm going to run my race and if he joins me, I will thank God with all my heart and be forever grateful. But if he doesn't come then I'll continue my race just as before, with Jesus by my side sustaining me with the eternal water.

So I'll wait for Caleb who, at this point, represents an awesome Christian guy I could end up with. (I mean God wouldn't show me an amazing guy and give me something less...it can only get better! That means it's gonna be pretty good!) But my wait will be what I just described. I'm going to continue this race. Come join me when God tells you to, my man.

When can I meet with my God?

I enjoyed such a nourishing week at camp in Oklahoma. I was in the middle zone of being a camper while also working at the camp. I loved it because I was always busy doing something. I did all the camper activities and also helped with Kitchen Patrol. There were so many moments during the classes, sermons or even conversations where I felt God pricking my heart. I love the pricks. They may be uncomfortable but oh what wonderful change they bring!

I love worshiping. I love it in song and in life. A continual sacrifice of praise to my Lord and King. During one of the worship services the leader read Psalms 42 as a moment of meditation. I have sung the song "As the Deer" multiple times and I love it. But for some reason, on that day, the words struck me as he read

"My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with my God?"

"When can I meet with my God?" What an amazing question. Do I ask that? Do I yearn for it? My time with my Lord. Am I thirsty? Does my soul pant for his presence?

I usually have my quite time at night but at camp it had to happen in the morning while everyone was still sleeping or getting around. I found myself yearning for it. When I didn't have my time with my Lord I felt off. I knew the week would have its difficulties for a variety of reasons and because of this, my quiet time was even more important. As he read the verse I realized that I had never heard it that way before. My version reads differently. Not drastically but enough so that this one caught my eye. For the rest of the week I would ask When can I meet with my God? as I walked to my secluded spot. And I realize how awesome it is that we can enter into His presence and meet with Him. We don't need a high priest nor an appointment. He is always there just waiting for us.

I was convicted that I need to have my quiet time in the morning so it guides the rest of my day. Because I can enter into the presence of the One who means everything to me. My All. My Everything. And He wants me too. Is this for real? Can life get any better?

"When can I meet with my God?"

I'm Back!

Hi Friends!

I left without saying good bye and for that I must apologize. I haven't written in a month and it is because I haven't been home in a month. I left June 7th for my cousin's wedding in Michigan (that makes four weddings  in two years that I have been a part of!). From there I hung out with the Avinks and the Youngs for a week in Grand Rapids, Julia for a couple of days in Ohio, Bill and DeeDee in Texas for a littler over a week and then a Christian Camp in Oklahoma for a week. We made the 30 hour trip and safely arrived Sunday morning around one. I just summed up a month in a sentence. There are stories and pictures and God moving my heart and all sorts of things. They are coming. But for right now I'm catching up on a month's worth of sleep. Talk to you soon!

I got to spend a week hanging out with my favorite twin. I am one. blessed. woman.