Reflections

I'm writing this from a cot in the middle of Illinois. It's like I'm in Little House on the Prairie. I can't even see the closest house and our "walk" yesterday consisted of going to the mailbox because it was so cold. But I'm enjoying being with my parents, grandma,Stephanie and Johnny. They couldn't come to NY for Christmas so we came to them. The people here are friendly and the food is delicious. Can't ask for a whole lot else, can we?

We visited a lot of Johnny's family after church. I feel like I know the family tree but all the branches are laying on the ground; I can't put it all together! His Grandma had this beautiful saying hanging in her kitchen:

"We give you thanks Lord 

for the food before us,

the friends beside us, 

the love between us,

and Your presence among us."

Tomorrow is New Year's Eve! 2012 will officially be done! It's crazy. So crazy. I was looking back on 2012, doing a little bit of introspection and, to be quite honest, my first thought was "I'm glad that's over". I had to put a quick check on my natural pessimism. The only real bad thing about 2012 was the time I spent in doctor's office. Between losing my vision in the spring and having my body hate me all fall, I have spent more than enough time in medical institutions. So yes, I'm glad 2012 is over. But if that was my worst? Boy, I have it good! 

I'm going to miss 2012. I've met some AMAZING people and done so many awesome things. God has shown himself more than faithful this last year.

Here are some highlights and things I have learned in 2012:

• I love weddings. I love being in them. I love (almost) everything about them. Amy, Lauren and Stephanie all made sure I got my wedding fix for the year (yay for more in 2013!)
• Michigan: God worked out everything for my time there. Friends and a family there... I could go on for days but I'll refrain.
• I got to fly a plane!
• Getting more involved with Women At Risk, International and Human Trafficking
• Being a Senior and more importantly, being treated like a Senior.
• English Country Dancing every Friday was such a wonderful experience (thank you, Kazia!)
• Realizing that there are more people who are just as much dorks as I am :)
• I made some fantastic friends that encourage me to be better, mostly just by their actions
• I drew closer to those already in my life and I'm so thankful for that
• Learning to trust God with my future (He is still working on me)
• That Everything works out for His glory
• Treasure my moments. All of them. Especially with people I love.
• To take more chances (What is the worst that can happen?)

This is by no means an exhaustive list but I'm feeling sentimental and cheesy and just so thankful for this past year of life. I feel like I could just go through every person in my life and explain how happy I am that they are in it but alas, that is not practical (and it would take far too long).

2012 was a good year. I'm thankful that I was here to be a part of it. Here's to another year of our Lord!

Want to get dinner?

My brain has been constantly spinning since Thanksgiving break. It was a mental marathon where papers, tests and good byes happened in a flash. It was during the chaos (which every college student experiences) that I came to the realization of my love for food.

Let me clarify: I enjoy food but I love the people that accompany the food. My college meal plan allows me to eat one meal a day in my school's dining areas. I try to ration the meals and plan ahead for the week, knowing who I'll get to spend the one meal with. I have also gotten quite good at finding the free meals on campus. This way I won't be a poor, starving college student, I'll just be poor :)

I realized that I am closest with the people I eat with. I have friends that we each promise to "get a meal" together but it has yet to happen. A meal shows a connection; a time together outside of the usual place of socialization. I have my closest friends because we sought each other out and ate together.

In Michigan I became closest with my friend, Emily, after we ate lunch together repeatedly. We were able to talk outside of the office about our lives and everything therein. It was in between the chewing and sipping that we became the dearest of friends.

Of course, it is very difficult for me to eat with other people because I just want to talk with them. Meals always take at least an hour. Two years ago, the leaders of the Christian Fellowship group would eat dinner together before every Fellowship meeting. The other leaders soon became close friends: close enough that they would just tell me to stop talking so we could finish our dinner. I would be on my salad and the others would be on their second plate. I looked forward to every meal, though, because I would see them. The food was less than desirable, but the experience was so much better because of the people I shared it with.

This kind of seems like a monologue about my love of eating with friends but I have found it to be true. My family always ate together when we lived in the same house and, among many other things, it really drew us together. I know that we're true friends when we have eaten together more than twice. That shows that the conversation and length of dinner were both pleasant to all involved parties.

Jesus understood the importance of food. I mean, he did perform some hefty miracles surrounding it! He seemed to always be eating or visiting a party, He knew how to draw close bonds (Isn't he like the Maker of close bonds?) I would love to have dinner with Him. That would be the BEST dinner date. Though I doubt I would ever touch my food, having so much to ask.

So, for me Friends=Dinner Together.

Want to grab some food?

12/12/12

Isn't this date awesome?!

December 12th, 2012

12/12/12

Whether European or American, everyone will know what date it is!! There will be no confusion.

12/12/12

wooohoooo

just one more time

12.12.12

The twelfth day of the twelfth month in the two thousand twelfth year of our Lord

YES.

(I have fried my brain and its energy can only be used for Ancient Greek, Ancient Literature and saving Kenya. So much to do in the next day!!)

Try not to laugh :D

Khloe and I had a photo shoot over Thanksgiving break with my sister (who happens to be running her own business: ProvestheSunshineDesign). One thing led to another and this happened:

The original

Khloe chillin with da penguins

Khloe at the peak of Mount Everest!

Khloe making new polar bear friends

Khloe getting ready to meet the president

So Thankful!

I celebrated Thanksgiving last year by failing a French test and having a meltdown over green bean casserole. Apart from those two things, it was a good day and my dinner was spent with some of my favorite people in Belgium.

This year, as I helped prepare for festivities, I thought about where I was last year, where I am this year and where I could possibly be next year! I must admit it is exciting to think about how I'll spend next Thanksgiving (maybe Macedonia?). I've also been learning to treasure these moments I have because I don't know when they will be gone. Everyday I am given this moment that I'll never get back. Some I will remember, some I will waste, some will change me forever, some will permanently stay in my memory. Each second that goes by is a moment that shapes us.

I'm thankful for these moments. And for these things:

A God who loved(s) me though I don't deserve it

My family and the new additions!

Amazing friends

The opportunity to go to school 

The trips I have gone on

Homemade food

warm clothes

my dogs

my working body

the internet

etsy.com

late nights

sunrises

starry skies

journals

My country

Freedom

visitors

Today

I started off my day by getting a Statistics exam back. I didn't want to open it for my score, but I did and my heart sank when I saw a BIG FAT 65 

oops. I had to quickly remind myself that life goes on. This is not my defining moment (insert personal pep talk/fighting of the tears). My friend and I then worked out the syllabus and decided that I could move on from this. Wooohooo what a great way to start the day.

I had volunteered earlier in the week to table our "Thankfulness Tree" where anyone can stop by and write what they are thankful for. Sucking up my pride from the exam, I ran to the student center and munched on a Cliff bar while I persuaded a friend (who has Statistics later in the day) that life will continue on after these exams. I genuinely felt better. One of the dining hall workers rounded the corner and said "Had I known you were out here, Krissy, I would have brought you food. Are you hungry? Want some chicken nuggets and fries?" Normally I would have said no out of politeness but my stomach spoke before my mind. She came back with an entire meal and boy was I hungry. I was quickly reminded how blessed I am and how God took care of me even without me saying a thing! Sure I was hungry but I would survive. I'm sure she sprinkled the lunch with love cause those were the best chicken nuggets and fries. I was with one of my bosses and she was shocked at how nice my Laurie was. I couldn't help but smile and relish in the fact that I have the best people in my life.

A photo shoot followed for our Resident Assistant recruitment program and, ever the most photogenic, I was happy to oblige. I warned the photographer of my inability to keep my eyes open and away we went. I was late and so was a football player so we were partnered together. We were given different mustaches to show different leadership styles and our boss and the photographer had a great time arranging us like we were dating. I was thinking to myself "who is this person I'm posing with?" He must have thought the same thing because afterwards he introduced himself. I can honestly say this was my first time taking pictures with a person before I knew who he was haha. 'Tis the life of a Resident Assistant model I suppose (jokes).

I also got a lot of life advice from my two advisers. I'm so blessed to have these professors that will sit for an hour and just talk to me about my life and next semester and post-grad. My Greek professor showed me this book I would need for my independent study to which I responded "oh that is beautiful" (I'm such a nerd). SHE GAVE IT TO ME! Yay for Thucydides!

Dinner and homework with friends and this girl has had a pretty good day. I lead such an exciting life :)

I'll pray for you, Mr. President

Tomorrow is the big day!! America will cast the vote and decide who will rule this wonderful country for the next four years. I already voted via absentee ballot and it is an amazing feeling. To think about how our forefathers fought for this right and how women fought for my right, it is overwhelming. If I lived one hundred years ago, I wouldn't be casting a vote. What a privilege I have to vote on what matters. Though my state will always vote one way, I prayed and I voted for the person I felt led to choose.

The precious piece of mail!

Practicing my democratic right.

I've heard many opinions as to what will happen based on who wins tomorrow. However, I have faith that God's will will be done and that He will use the man in power. 1 Timothy 2:1-2 tells us "Therefore I exhort first of all that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks be made for all men, for kings and all who are in authority, that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and reverence."

So regardless of who wins tomorrow, I will pray for him. A prayer from my heart for the leader of my country:

Father, I pray that you will be with my President. Guide him and bless him these next four years. Please give him wisdom both domestically and abroad. I pray that you give him wise advisers and surround him with the best. Draw him to You and show him Your will. I thank you for allowing us to choose him and blessing us with this country. I know you already know what is going to happen. Grant us peace, oh Lord, and help us to support our leader in prayer both today and always. Through Jesus' name, Amen.

Frankenstorm Sandy

When I think of Sandy, I think of an elderly lady at church who is constantly freezing (even in the middle of summer) and constantly eating (she is a stick, no wonder she is so cold!). She is the sweetest lady and the kindest intentions.

This is in huge contrast with the hurricane that is currently blasting outside. I tried to maneuver the "Hill" that I walk up everyday to my dorm but I felt like someone was pushing me! I just kept saying Psalms 139:5 over and over "You have hedged me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me." I was praying for a hedge! Around 5 o'clock I was awaken from my nap to a group of my residents looking frantic: the power was out! I told them not to burn candles (safety hazard) and that the lights would be on soon. Secretly I hoped that the power would stay off so classes would be cancelled and we could sleep in the gym! We still have time in this storm.

I love storms because they are a wonderful example of how AMAZING and POWERFUL our God is. He commands the winds and they obey Him! I pray for the safety of everyone without power and all of us in the NorthEast experiencing the awesomeness of Sandy!

I'm prepared! Three gallons of water, three flashlights, handwarmers and a variety of delightful goodies :)

My casualty of Hurricane Sandy. I bought her yesterday! She was flipped inside out and made me look like a complete idiot.

Mango

I have two confessions:
First Confession: I LOVE mangoes more than any food in the entire world. Give me a mango and a sunflower and I literally have the sun in my hands. The color of a ripe mango is one of the richest oranges in nature; it is beautiful. And a sunflower? I don't need to describe its colors. How can you not smile when you see one?
Second Confession: I HATE sharing my mangoes (or any food for that matter).

woo. Now THAT is off my shoulders. This is actually a serious struggle for me; not the love of mangoes but  the lack of sharing. I actually just wrote "unsharing" and it has a red squiggle under it. I had to think of what other word it could be. "Selfish". That is the word I'm looking for. I prefer "unsharing", it sounds less....bad. But the truth of the matter is I am selfish with me food.

I was sitting in my room doing work with a friend when a fellow RA stopped by. My door was open because I try to be hospitable so she walked on in to say hi and look at my room. I watched her eyes as they landed on my five mangoes, sitting perfectly on my mini-fridge. "Don't do it", I thought, "Don't even think about it." Well guess what she did....SHE ASKED FOR A MANGO! I was shocked. Who does that?! I stared at her, fighting every urge to say no. There was an awkward pause and a small "I guess so" from me (my heart slowly breaking).

She took it and left. My poor friend then heard a rant from me about how rude that is to ask someone for food and how I felt like I had been taken advantage of because I'm such a nice person (haha), etc. I secretly hoped the mango was rotten (I know, I'm awful). In the middle of my angry thoughts another thought flew in: "Jesus would have given her the mango". It sounds like a cheesy thought and I quickly tried to push it away. Of course Jesus would have given her a mango...He is Jesus! Duh. He loves everyone and I know He could "multiply" the mango to feed five thousand anyway. I'm not Jesus so I shouldn't have to share my precious mangoes.

I had to tell myself over and over again that giving her the mango was the right thing to do, but to be quite honest, it wasn't easy. I have enough trouble sharing my food with my friends and family... I don't know why. I have never starved or been in want of food. I used to always grab more food before I was done with my first plate because I was convinced my older brother was going to eat it all. Maybe I'm just selfish.

After this episode, I realized I needed to work on sharing. If I'm to be Jesus to the world, I need to learn how He shared. He probably would have given her the mango and a drink of water (ooo, so she would never be thirsty?!) I felt like Abu from Aladdin when he shares his bread with the orphans. I shared but it wasn't with love. So I've started with my friends and sharing what I really like to eat. They probably don't even realize my internal struggle because they all would do it a heartbeat.

There it is, out in the open. One of my struggles. I'm sure if I'm quite ready to give a stranger a mango but I take heart in the fact that He is still working on me to make me what I ought to be :)

Captain America

I recently bought earrings off of etsy that make me so happy every time I see them. The earrings are replicas of Captain America's shield. Call me a nerd. Call me silly. I love him.

I love Super Heroes. I love their fights against evil, their costumes, and their desire to team together to save the world (except Batman, he is a loner). I remember one summer where my brothers and I spent many a nights watching the Justice League. Though Captain America is not part of the Justice League, he recently has had his own movie and a part in the Avengers (a very good watch if I do say so myself).

A quality guy with traditional values, Captain America has won the hearts of many a citizen.

What I love about Captain America, among other things, is the red, white and blue. I like to say that I was patriotic before I went abroad but I saw more shortcomings of the US then I would have liked to admit. However, it was while I was abroad that I fell more in love with my country because, though it has its short-comings, it is the best country on earth.

It took me living in another country with its own set of problems to realize that EVERY country is slightly messed up (some more than others). I mostly missed the people but I also missed the nation that is still a baby in the world's eyes. How old is our country? Two hundred years old? 

I could talk about the negative aspects of the USA but for now I just want to dwell in the fact that I'm American. I can do what I want. I can worship my God without fear of being killed, I can get an education and have a say as a woman. I can be protected and I can stand up for injustices. I have FREEDOM.

I thought most people outside of the US hated Americans and that is partially true but I believe a lot of it is jealousy because  WE ARE SO BLESSED! Other countries are wonderful, and I love traveling/living within their borders but there is something really special about calling this country home.

In the Avengers, there is a scene where Black Widow describes Thor and Loki as "gods". Captain America replies "There's only one God, ma'am and I'm sure He doesn't dress like that."

Yeah...

He will always be my favorite :) 

I love America

Shen Men and everything Houghton

Last week was one of the craziest weeks I've had at school. I don't like to complain about how much work I have/the amount of sleep I got because I realized how blessed I am to even have these complaints! How lucky am I that I get to learn? and be with some amazing people at that?! But last week was rough. At one point I looked at everything I had to do and was completely overwhelmed. I froze. I fretted. I didn't know how it all was going to work out. I decided to go to the lake and read one of my favorite passages in the Bible. Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I find my mind drifting towards the story of Elisha and his servant in 2 Kings 6. In this passage, Elisha and his servant were completely surrounded by the enemy and Elisha prayed that the servant's eyes be opened. The servant then saw the hills filled with chariots of fire. How powerful! We still serve the same God that did that. It blows my mind to think that I might not be seeing the chariots surrounding me, but they could still be there! God fights my battles. After reading this story and having some serious prayer, I was filled with a peace that continued into my exam. God is so good! He got me through all of it and I'm just overwhelmed with how He cares for the little things in my life.

After the craziness of the week I ended up car hopping my way to Houghton College to visit Meghan and Christy. One of the car hops landed me at a youth rally. I got to see one of my favorite people (it had been over a year), my brother and sister-in-law and a dear friend. And that was just the beginning! After some worship, a small lesson and a quick stop at McDonalds, Christy and I were bound for Houghton College, a small Christian school in Western NY. It was strange being surrounded by Christian "stuff". There were shower devos, verses on the walls and a chapel right in the center of campus. The talent show consisted of Christian pick-up lines. God was regular topic of conversation and boys had to sign in to get into the girl's dorm. What a shock from my school! I really enjoyed it. I enjoyed Devos with my friends, a bible study, the food and FINALLY being Meghan's college roommate.

One of my favorite parts of being there was a soccer game we went to. Apparently a group of guys called the Shen Men (the name comes from a dorm there) go to every guy's soccer game and dress up in obnoxious outfits. They bring their pots and pans and chant the ENTIRE time. Honestly, it was more fun watching them than the game (the guys won 7-3). Their leader was a missionary kid who grew up in Kenya! They had tribal chants and everything. I loved it :) Every time a baby was carried in front of the group, the leader would hold up his hand, immediately making the group silent. Then they would all whisper "Babbbbbbyyyyyy!" How considerate! I was impressed.

I couldn't get the Shen men out of my head so when, at the bible study, we were asked to write a letter of encouragement to a guy on Campus, the Kenyan immediately came to mind. Let's just say he got an anonymous letter from yours truly (though I might have slipped my number in there....if only!).

I loved the entire weekend. I finally got to meet/see all the people Meghan had told me about. I got to lay in her bed and share my heart. It was so refreshing and oh so good!

I finished up my Fall break at home with some quality time with Josiah, my parents and my baby Khloe. Oh it was so needed and now I'm just sitting here smiling, remembering a time where I wasn't on call till 2 am! Oh yes, but I'm so thankful that I can even complain about this!

Welcome to the Family, Johnny!

This past weekend was full of excitement, tears, sadness, happiness, hugs (lots of them!) and absolute craziness! My sister, Stephanie, married her best friend, John, in an outdoor wedding at our annual Ciderfest.

The Ciderfest is something that has always happened every September. Looking back to my childhood, I think I looked forward to it more than Christmas. We pick apples, press our own cider, make/eat homemade donuts, ride a zip line and just genuinely enjoy God's creation and each other's company.

Steph has always said that she wanted to get married at the Ciderfest so when she told me last month that she was getting married at the Ciderfest, I thought it was next year. Nope, she meant this year! So we planned a wedding in a little over a month :) My family is thinking that it might be better that way...like ripping off a bandaid; quick and painless! They completed pre-marital counseling (which I think is one of the most important parts of the wedding preparations!), the dresses came in, people showed up and we had a party!!!

I have to admit I cried the night before because it is different when a sister gets married. Last year, when Caleb married my best friend from fourth grade, I was happy to gain a new sister! Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy that Johnny is now part of our crazy family. However, Steph was moving to Illinois and I just cried because I love her and I'm going to miss her. I hate good byes and transitions. This required both. Now it is just "my" room instead of "ours". Weird.

The Wedding was absolutely beautiful with prayers, vows and the gentle reminder to have God, Love and Respect at the center. Plenty of friends and family came to celebrate our new family member! The pictures will show the happiness of the family, the beautiful scenery and the blessings from above!

Welcome, Johnny! I'm so glad you're my new brother! I pray for many blessings to you and Stephanie!! Love you both!

The Family!

The lovely couple

Sisters

aww

we know how to have fun

just playing a little football

The beautiful scenery

The parents and beautiful bride

Accessories!

Just a Note

Here is just a note to say hi.
I'm praying for you. For your hopes, your struggles, your health....anything that is taking space in your mind.
You're loved by the One Who Created You. Very dearly loved by Him.
And me :)

"Tell me what your plans are for after Graduation"

I recently had to write an essay for an opportunity that I am SO VERY EXCITED ABOUT (Fulbright Scholarship to teach English next year?!) and in it I was talking about how next year is the first time I won't know what I am doing in the Fall. Every year, since I was six, I was always going to school come late August/early September. However, next year, that doesn't have to happen! I could be working, or in another part of the world, or in school, or starting my own business, or living at home with mom and dad (yay four-year degree!).

I've been anxious trying to figure out my life. I mean, it is all up to me...right? But then He hits me time and time and verse and verse again. "STOP IT KRISSY". And I chuckle and worry some more and He brings people and memories to remind me of the times He had my life figured out and did it His way...even when I tried to do it mine.

I remember my first year I was walking back to my dorm fretting about something that now, when looking back at it, I wish I had never even wasted a moment on. There I was fretting, kind of praying, kind of doing my own scheming when I heard "Am I not enough?". I stopped quicker than anything and whipped around wondering who spoken. I'm not saying that God spoke to me, but I do believe He whispers in the winds and into our hearts. And He did that night. I teared up as I realized what I had been putting before Him. He convicted me and He continues to do so. Many times I'll realize that my thoughts are jumping to plans that I know are not His. Plans of becoming closer with the cute boy in my class when I know that the boy would not draw me closer to Him. Plans, plans and more plans.  But my thoughts jump to worries more than anything. Because, clearly, I know better than the Creator of the Universe and I can change His mind by telling Him the way I want things done. Clearly.

Though I still struggle with completely surrendering every worry to God, it used to have a much bigger hold on my life. I'm not even close to being perfect, but I do serve a perfect God who is molding me into His image. I'm more an evidence type of person. Don't tell me something exists; show me. If something is important enough so I would revolve my entire life around it, then I better have the facts to back it up. I didn't simply believe that the Bible was true because that was what I heard from the time I was born, I sought out the evidence and, thank God, I found the truth. I've always had a soft spot for Thomas. Everyone seems to give him a hard time because he was the "doubter" and the "skeptic". I am thankful for him because I would have done the same exact thing. Jesus knew He needed a Thomas for some of us in the future.

Because God knows me, He knows that I need evidence and facts and histories. I do have faith, but that faith is based on what He has shown me. He has been pulling me from my worrying state by showing me He has it all taken care of. I've prayed for extensions on papers or cancellations of classes not really believing that He would answer them. Why would He when He has such bigger problems to deal with? Oh but I'm trying to put God into Human standards which He just doesn't fit. He blows my mind. So He answers my prayers and some. I was worried about friends in Belgium. God Answered: I'll give you friends that will become your family there. I worried about the health of my Grandmas (on multiple occasions). God Answered:That His timing was always perfect. I was worried about summer plans. God Answered: I'll send you to Michigan where you'll be surprised, yet again, at how good I am to you. I have been really worried about my health (I seem to enjoy hospitals). God Answered(s): It's all for my purpose.

And here I am again worrying about the Fall and I can just hear Him say "Really? Haven't we already been over this? I already know where you're going." So now, in faith, I'm applying like crazy, and praying like crazy. He has literally brought me to my knees. Often times I don't even know what to say. I just know that I need to bring it before Him and leave it there. Leave it there. But I'm not perfect and it is a daily struggle to trust Him. A daily struggle to deny myself. But He is faithful even when I am not so I'm casting my cares upon Him (1 Peter 5:7) and trusting that His will will be done in my life.

This is just a reminder I have in my planner...because I tend to forget.

Words of Life getting me through: Jeremiah 29:11-13, Proverbs 3:5-6, Proverbs 16:33, Philippians 1:6 (so good!), Philippians 2:13, Ephesians 2:10, Psalms 120:1, Isaiah 65:24, Isaiah 58:9, Psalm 46, Psalm 139.

22

I just turned 22. The day (and week) was full of good people, good food and other reminders that I'm just the most blessed girl on the planet.

Within a week of my birthday, I was spending some quality time with the closest ER. Apparently I needed acquainted with that part of the medical field. My visit was due to severe stomach pain. This is something that has plagued me for quite some time. I had it in Belgium and apparently the doctor said it was due to me "missing my family". Sure. I'm sure he learned that at college. It is a frustrating way to start off the semester and 22 but I've honestly seen the best of people when I am sick (and at my worst).

Things like this just affirm my belief that the world is full of wonderful wonderful people that care with all their hearts.

Honestly, that is all I have right now. There is a reason I'm already behind in my classes because I had to go home. There is a reason I'm experiencing different testing. I'm just laying under the wings of the Protector and enjoying the ride.

Silent Appreciation

Today finds me exhausted and socially exhausted. I love being a Resident Assistant. I love having thirty-two beautiful women under my care. I love meeting new people. However, I am loving just being ALONE in my room right now. It is weird because I normally need to be with people but it is time to recharge. This last week was full of meetings, trainings, hall decorating and many late nights. But it was all so much fun. I laughed so much and just met some of the best people on campus.

One of our activities towards the end of the week of training was "Silent Appreciation". All forty-seven RAs laid on the grass with our eyes closed. Seven were selected and every few minutes a new group of seven was told to take their place. One of our directors would read something like "Touch someone who has made you smile this week" and then the seven standing would walk around and touch the people that made them smile. It was anonymous so it allowed all of to tell people how they made us feel. I was laying there and he read "Touch someone who you consider your mentor". I had three people come up and touch me. I was touched (not just literally). It kind of hit me that, as a Senior this year, I am one of the oldest students with the most experience. I have been blessed to do many things through the school and God has been working on me. I'm Him to this Campus. I usually don't think of people looking up to me. It is probably because I am the youngest of my family so I am used to looking up to people. It reminded me that people are watching me. woah Pressure.

I was touched for other things that just made me smile and almost cry. I was so happy to train with such a sweet group of people who encouraged and strengthened me. I'm so excited for this year.

Hold...the....Phone

How did I end up back at school in this beautiful house? Where did summer go? Did camp even happen? Wow, it is crazy. What is even crazier is that my sister told me last Thursday that she is getting married...next month! So from the time I left camp till I now I have been doing wedding stuff and packing for my last year of undergraduate! God has been so good with finding both the bride's dress (there were tears) and having the bridesmaid's dresses coming in ten day before the wedding. Even when life is crazy and so exciting, God is soooo good!

At camp we had THREE baptisms! Please pray for Sammantha, Tommy and Young as they made the best decision in the world. I'm so happy for them and their decisions to follow Christ with all of their being. I love camp. I love these three new siblings of mine in Christ.

I'm currently at RA (Resident Assistant) training for the next week before everyone moves in. I'm learning things and molding my leadership skills while getting to be around some pretty cool people. However, there are billboards to do and door tags (and a room to unpack!) so blogging will be squeezed in probably in the early morning hours. But till then, if you could pray for me and the thirty-two women that I will be living with, I covet your prayers.

All of this is for God's glory.

Camp Camp Camp

I'm off to late nights, camp fires, friends, Jesus, worship, foggy mornings and starry nights, bugs, family, kids, teams, prayer and a beautiful forested area of Upstate New York. Please pray that God will be glorified this week!!!

Be back soon :-)

the one for whom Christ died

Yet if your brother is grieved because of your food, you are no longer walking in love. Do not destroy with your food the one for whom Christ died. Romans 14:15

Loving people is what Jesus did best. Every breath He breathed, every word He spoke and every deed He did was to love. His great and enduring love was made manifest to the world when, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

But this love is an all-consuming love meant to alter our very existence. Or rather, fulfill it. God calls us to show this world (the one He created) His unconditional love. Each day He calls us to love in the way He did. He loved in the big things but He also loved in the little things. Never did an opportunity pass Him by where He didn't show the person love.

With this conviction I have tried to be Jesus to the world. With the words of my mouth and the works of my hands and every breath that I breathe I try to be Him. Because I am human that is impossible but He only asks that we try. However, it is possible to do good deeds without love for the person. It is possible to serve food at the food pantry without loving the people. I have been guilty of doing good things not to "show Jesus" but for my own personal gratification. God has been working in my heart to truly love people that drive me crazy. I don't know how long He has been working on this but He keeps showing up in different ways to guide my heart.

I find it easy to love people that love me. I think everyone does. But to love someone that is really annoying? That keeps wronging you? That won't forgive or give forgiveness to you? That slanders? That just drives you CRAZY? He calls us to love them. Why? Because that rude boy that cut you off this morning is the one for whom Christ died. Every person we encounter is precious in God's sight. He loves them. He sent His son for them! Who are we to not love them when Christ loved us?

It is humbling to think about people in this regard. In relationships, in job-settings, on the metro, at the park, all of our interactions with people should be dictated by the thought that Jesus values their hearts so much to die for them. That person. That heart. He loved and died for. It needs to be cared for in the way that He would care for it. Because you, me, and that person we need to pray extra for are the ones for whom Christ died for.

Why I'm single (and happy)

Disclaimer: I'm not bitter about my singleness or the (sometimes strange) questions I am asked. I am not about to bash the love-struck people that surround me daily. I don't speak on behalf of any other singles other than myself. I'm speaking from MY heart.

I have heard this question a lot: "Why are you still single?" Mostly the questions come from well-meaning, older relatives that got married while they were still teenagers. But still, it is a question that I have lately begun to ask myself and, by searching out God's answer to my question, this is my response:

Please do not ask me why I am single, ask God. I gave my life, my heart and my soul to him eight years ago and I trust that His will will be done in my life. He had a plan for my life before I was even born. "Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them." Psalm 136:16. He has not shown me this book where my days were written, but I know that He knows my days, and that is all I really need to know. (Did you follow all those knows?)

So with this thought in mind (regarding every area of my life), I go about each day seeking His plan and seeking to glorify Him in my actions, words and thoughts. I am not perfect and I mess up, but He already knew/knows this and still loved(s) me....still sent His son for me. So each day I see as the unraveling of His plan. I go when He says go and I stay when He says stay. To be quite honest, I do not know if getting married is in His plan. Maybe it is, Maybe it is not. Paul never married and this allowed him to devote everything to the cause of Christ. Listen to his view: "But I want you to be without care. he who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord--how he may please the Lord. Burt he who is married cares about the things of the world--how he may please his wife. There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world--how she may please her husband." 1 Corinthians 7:32-34. There is nothing wrong with someone if they are called to a life of singleness. They are the ones that can leave on  a minute's notice for any cause without trying to figure out who will watch kids or if their husband/wife can get off of work. God calls us all to different lives and different plans. His will is perfect and pleasing (Romans 12:2) and regardless of what we do, it will be accomplished.

I also have faith that God delights in His children and he likes to see them happy! He likes us to delight ourselves in Him but I think He also likes to delight in us. He enjoys our happiness and is happy when we are happy! If He knew there was someone out there who would make me happy (while drawing me closer to Him), why wouldn't He send him? I think sometimes we have this picture of God as being this judgmental, lightning-throwing, far-reaching being that we only come to when we have done something bad. Guess again. Though he is a jealous God that will judge us for our actions, He is a loving God. He sent His son! His perfect, One and Only son. If that isn't love, then what is?? "Trust in the Lord, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass." Psalm 37:3-5. The desire of my heart is Him. And I trust that He will bring the smaller desires of my heart into fruition (as long as they fit with His plan).

It is funny to think that the man I (might) marry is alive today. Living his life, having his struggles, becoming the man God wants him to become. I was talking to a friend about our mutual singleness and what she said still sticks with me. "I really feel like I am ready to start dating and maybe get married. But then I think about it and maybe the man I'm going to be with is not ready. I may be, but the timing right now would not be best for him." Woah, what a thought. I might be single right now because my future husband is not ready to meet me/date me. God's perfect timing, right?

I don't know if I have met the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. I don't know if I'll every meet him. I don't know if I'll meet him tomorrow or in ten years. We could be friends for years and then something will change and we'll get married. Or I'll meet him and he'll approach me with the best/cheesiest Christian pick-up line and it will literally be love at first sight. The possibilities are quite endless :)

I am not single because I have unrealistic expectations of how a man should act and "No one I meet is good enough". Nope. I have facts. I know real men that exist. They love God, they love people and they are sweethearts. They are family members and dear friends. They are people brought into my life to show me that no, my standards are not too high. They fill these standards and show me what an amazing Christian friendship looks like. They pray with me. They hear my struggles and they laugh. They go out of their way to help me out or make my day. Unless God has called all of the (single) men I know to singleness, I can deduct that they will someday get married. (I read a blog that really opened my eyes to this). The way I treat them now, in our friendship, could affect their future marriages. If he develops "feelings" towards me that I do not reciprocate and approaches me with these, then the way I respond could affect his future "feeling sharing". If I shut him down coldly then he will be less likely to trust his heart out. This is not proven or even fact, but it does make sense. These Christian men in my life are most importantly my brothers in Christ. Our responsibility to each other is to encourage and strengthen the most important relationship in life; ours with Christ. If our actions and words are not causing strengthening, then they are causing weakening. I have to remind myself that these men are my dear brothers with hearts that Christ died for. My job, as their sister, is to encourage them and provide a friendship/relationship in which they feel safe from the pressures and the many struggles they face out in the world.

So I am single because:

• A man is not in God's plan for me today. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe never. My contentment is not based on what happens, but a mindset. My mindset is on Him.
• The man I am going to marry is not ready for us to be together. God is working other things in his life right now.
• The men God has placed in my life reaffirm my standards. I know they are human and plausible standards!
• I'm already in love with Someone who completes me and will send someone only if he will draw me closer to my first love.
• God has other things for me to do at this point. He has other ministries and opportunities for me that I may not do if I was in a relationship.
• God is forming me into the woman He wants me to be. And the woman he needs me to be.

I am confident that "The Lord will perfect that which concerns me..." Psalm 138:8 and right now I am happy and content falling in love with Him every day. I am His Beloved and He is mine.

Michigan summed up...in pictures

I'm back home in NY and, of course, filled with conflicting feelings. I had a home and Family in Michigan that I loved. But, I'm blessed to have a family here in NY. I spent hours with 30 plus people at a lake cottage catching up and enjoying beautiful upstate. So enough about me complaining about my many blessings.... Let me sum up Michigan and the wonderful five weeks there:

I got my pearl. To me, as I wear this pearl, it represents the tears of thousands of women, but more importantly the tears of my Father who hears them. He hears them in their distress (as he hears me) and He sees every tear that they cry. He cries for them. His heart breaks for them an He, in turn, breaks hearts to help these women and literally be His arms of protection, comfort and love. To be His hands of Healing and the drying of tears. To be Jesus with skin on. Pearls are not formed through an easy life. They are attacked by a parasite over and over again yet, through the pressure and strain, they are formed into these beautiful pearls. They survive the nightmare, become pearls of a great price and sought after diligently. 

I slept here every night. In a cloud. Enough said :)

I fell in love with this little girl...

Our favorite band is One Direction and we would watch their videos every day. And dance to them.

I went bowling with my blessing of a friend, Emily, her sister, Leah, and my suite mate/fellow family member/friend, Sarah. We had to buy socks there. It was a good investment.

All of us. 

My place, right before the sprinklers got us. I'm sure it was a nice show for the cars driving by!

I got a picture with the president of the organization, Becky McDonald. I want to be her when I grow up. Or now, whatever works. Such an amazing and godly woman!!

This is her blog: Becky McDonald

I got to fly a four person plane! Emily's brother in law is a pilot and offered to take us up. Who knew he would give me the controls and let me fly! Next step: getting my own pilot's license. I am quite serious about this.

The ultimate dashboard shot: in an airplane!!!

I was adopted by the Youngs, a beautiful family that loves both God and each other with all their hearts. I became one of them while I was there. They prayed with me before I left and just uplifted my heart every time I was with them. We celebrated the 4th with a mile walk through the woods to Lake Michigan.

Her friendship is a gift God! He knew what He was doing when he placed me in her office that allowed the door to be shut so we could talk without being reprimanded (I got her in trouble only once for talking and that was during inventory). It was in that small office we opened our hearts to each other and talked about God, our family, lessons learned, blessings, trials and everything in between (I may have through in a couple of Christian pick up lines just to see her laugh). She became my closest friend at WAR.

And for some reason I cannot add any more photos but I will just have to dedicate a post to my host family. God blessed me with them too. I thought I would have to live in the basement on a cot. Boy was I wrong. And who would have thought that I would become such close friends with them?! I was so pleasantly pleasantly surprised and grateful for the relationships I formed with my "host dad", "host mom" and two adorable "host sisters".

Well, that was unexpected...

I didn't expect to fall in love with Michigan. This funny state with its strange turn arounds, churches on every corner and odd way of surprising me every day has wiggled its way into my heart. Almost all of my expectations were wrong. I thought I would do this at my internship...I'm doing almost the opposite. I didn't know how it would be living with a new family....I feel more than at home. I didn't expect close relationships with a month to make them....I've been blessed with people that ask and pray and just love me. I expected to get enough sleep each night because there would be little to do....haven't slept a full night of sleep this entire time. I didn't expect the guys to be so forward here...let's just say I've had some interesting/slightly creepy experiences. I didn't expect to be God to show up in everything....real surprise there, he did. I didn't expect to change any diapers....I changed my first one and have continued to do so! I expected some tears....only when He has been breaking my heart. I didn't expect the time to fly....one week till home (how did that happen?). I didn't expect to miss this place but I will. Ryan (my "host dad" though he laughs every time I call him that) told me this sadness is what I get and will get with my lifestyle of "traveling". He was so sympathetic.
I am thankful that I will have a place to miss and that I haven't wished one day a way here! My close friend here took me to her house after church for lunch. There were twelve of us sitting at the table; never allowing one second of silence or a minute without laughter. She comes from a sweet, loving, large (six kids!) family and I felt perfectly at home. Before I left her mother looked me in the eye and said "If you move to Michigan, you will become part of our family". I thanked her for already welcoming me into their hearts and home but I had to admit that I had no idea what was after graduation. Africa is the plan for a while but then a job is necessary...or maybe grad school...or a trip around the world (haha...if only money wasn't real!). My life is so open right now it isn't even funny. I don't have a clue but my mind, my heart and my eyes will be wide open to see the next step in this journey. Who knows, maybe this time next year I'll be living in Michigan. The possibilities are quite endless.

Enough

God has a special way of just reaching down and touching my heart. He makes me laugh, He answers prayer and he even provides for my superficial needs. I go to bed smiling every night. I'm exhausted all the time because the house is up late talking or I'm talking with friends and family. Either way, I go to sleep happy and I wake up happy because my God is so good to me. He delights in me and to be quite honest that is all I'll ever need.

I've been struggling with humility and the reasoning why I am here. Am I here because I plan to save all the trafficked women? Or is it because I want everyone to see how good I am? (I'm not saying I'm so good but, to be quite honest, don't we all want to be viewed in the best light?) Is it to impress my bosses here? Why am I here? I was in one of the storage rooms sorting through the product and I was thinking about being appreciated, etc etc. I'm not perfect. I have human desires of wanting to be appreciated and thanked and acknowledged for things I do. I even had to be reminded by my dad last week that no job is unimportant. Every part contributes to the whole. However, what I am learning is that it does not matter if any one ever sees me or acknowledges what I do. Was it ever about them? Was it even for them? The thing is that it is never about them. It never was. People may praise me in the streets or slander me to my face but at the end of the day everything I do is for my Father. Everything I ever will do will be for Him. He will see and that will be enough.
That is what He is teaching me. He will always be enough.

A week in Review

It is simply crazy that I have been in this interesting glove-shaped state called Michigan for a week! It has flown by with little sleep and lunch-time naps. I'm learning to love this wonderful place where God has put me for only a short while. Here is what I've learned/enjoyed/hated in the last week:

• I love the family I am staying with. I feel right at home and they treat me like family.
• I've learned a little humility in some of the jobs I have been given at my internship. I didn't think filing papers was that important but my dad reminded me that "Every job is important". I'm still working on this. I really just want to be the one storming into brothels with a righteous anger, rescuing broken soul after broken soul. I know this sounds a little unrealistic but I want to be with these beautiful women. I want to show them the love they have never seen before. I want to bring them to the ultimate Healer and Protector of their souls. 
• I hate Michigan driving. Well, I hate Michigan "turn arounds". These are caused because there are one way streets that are divided by a middle section. In order to get to the other side (where the one-way street is going the way you want it to) you need to do a "turn around". There seems to never be enough room and I have hit the curb and backed up, gone in neutral, panicked and sat in the middle of the road. I am becoming a pro at waving out my window in gratitude. I drive the same route everyday, someone is bound to notice and avoid me.  Thankfully I am off the highways and mergings and all the other nonsense the GPS took me on for the first two days. I have had the privilege of seeing many areas of Michigan I didn't think I would see, just because I like to get lost every time I am in the car. I just get lost all the time; it is a grand adventure.
• I've gone with my host mom a couple of times to the Hispanic center to tutor Spanish speakers in English. It is a good review for me and they are some of the sweetest, happiest and hard-working people. A man I have been working with, Raul, works from six in the morning to six at night milking cows and then he comes to the English class to study. I love being there with them and having this experience twice a week.
• I went to my first WAR party!!! My host mom put it on and I LOVED setting up for it. Pictures will come soon!
• I have learned a lot about the products at WAR because they have had me sorting and cataloging. The jewelry is so beautiful sometimes I just have to stare at these stones I have never seen before! I took a while to sort....they probably won't want me back in that department again :)
• The organization has a big product line on "Pearls of Hope" because pearls go through so much pressure, yet they come out beautiful. That is what these women are who have gone through slavery and trafficking. They are simply beautiful.
• Being two hours away from your cousin is quite nice for frequent visits!
• At the staff meeting, the President of WAR gave us basically a devotional while mixing in the stuff we needed to know for the week. She told us to not concentrate on how big our problems are but how big our God is. He is bigger than our problems and He will carry us through. Also, she told the story of Sweetie, a baby in South America that is in an awful situation. Her mom, a prostitute, bore her and the brothel owner will not let Sweetie be touched, except beaten when she cries, so that she will not know love. That way, Sweetie will know nothing but the prostitute way of living. They have tried to save her but nothing seems to be working. They did however manage to get the cord she was tied to the bed with and replaced it with a pack and play instead. The President opened a package she had gotten in the mail and it was the cord that had tied Sweetie so she wouldn't run away. Since I was sitting closest, I was given the cord to share with those around me. It was an emotional time as we prayed for Sweetie. Just as Rahab was saved and brought into the family of God with a scarlet cord, we prayed that Sweetie too would be saved with this red cord and brought into the family of God. Please pray for her. Pray that the angels keep her happy so she won't get beat and please pray for the brothel owner and that her heart will be turned and she'll let Sweetie go from the brothel.    http://www.warinternational.org/
• I have been reminded how good God really is to me all the time and I am reminded to pray, pray, pray. For He hears us when we call and He WILL deliver. 

Please pray for Sweetie and all those who are living in slavery right now, both spiritual and physical.

The Path to Michigan

I shouldn't blog when I'm exhausted but I need to write. I need to tell about God's wonderful way of working things out!

A month ago I had it in my mind that I would be staying home for the summer. I had applied to numerous organizations and was rejected in the nicest way; they all said they would pray for me and that God would bring me to the right one. I laughed cause all I could think of was "You are the right one!" I interviewed with WAR because I wanted to see if they would even want me. They called back and said yes. It was an unpaid internship I couldn't afford (sigh of relief of staying home), nope! The stipend I applied through would work even if I interned for a month. I thought about it. I had been praying for this all semester, wasn't this the answer to my prayers? I wanted to say no because if I said yes I would be going to a place I had never been before to live with strangers and possibly be uncomfortable. I made a deal of going if I could only be in Grand Rapids for a month (maybe that would make them NOT want me!....don't even try to understand my brain), they granted it. Where would I live? How would I get there? Well, God worked all of it now and now I'm in basically my own apartment in the basement of this amazing couple's house. The bed I'm sitting on is a full sized bed (!!!) and I  have my own bathroom and walk-in closet. Not only does God answer prayer, He answers in style. He spoils me.

I bought the ticket and figured that, despite myself, God was working His plans and I was going to be His instrument. My good friend, Lauren, was married June 2nd on the Lake, looking as beautiful as ever. We didn't notice it getting late because the sun was still up. By the time we realized what time it was, my friend Matt and I, had to get on the road to meet my family at the train. Medium-story short, the GPS said we would arrive at 10:55pm. My train was scheduled to leave at 11:00pm. Caleb, Diane and my parents had already checked me in so it was all set. The GPS freaked out and I almost threw up. Matt dropped me off at 10:45pm, just in time! Thankfully the train was late so I had a longer time to be with my family. I ended up leaving at midnight for my all-night trip to Chicago. I sat next to a guy my age and wondered why he was ignoring the conductor when he asked him where he was going. He was deaf! We communicated the best we could but let's just say I didn't talk as much as I would have liked (the rest of the train was probably thankful!).

The photo doesn't do the view or the bride justice

My sister, Stephanie, and her boyfriend met me in Chicago to keep me company for my seven-hour layover. I loved seeing them and Chicago! I simply know the best people who do anything for me even if it is touring a random city just to pass the time.

Hello Chicagoooo

So glad that I got to see the cloud gate!

My girl 

Her boy

I left Chicago and arrived in Grand Rapids around 11:00pm Sunday night. One of my bosses was there to pick me up. She dropped me off at my new home for the next month and as I talked with my new "host parents" I realized how much I'm going to enjoy living with them. Exhausted and slightly dazed I went to bed, mentally preparing myself for Monday morning at WAR, so excited!

Michigan? Why not?

I'll update on to how this happened later but, in the course of the last couple weeks, I have been offered an internship in Michigan with Women at Risk, I accepted, I was given a place to stay and a car to borrow. God's will? I would say so. So excited! Keep you posted!

Check out this awesome organization I keep to spend the next month with!
http://www.warinternational.org/

My Best Friend

The concept of a friend, when you really think about it, is amazing. Family you are born with and I have been blessed to have the bestest friends within my family, but the idea of choosing who you want to spend your time with? That blows my mind. I know I'm spoiled. God gave me the most amazing friends as my family and I'll have them forever (the many joys of having a Christian family) but it is crazy to think about how I can choose to  have someone be my friend and they in turn can choose me.

I know this isn't making much sense but what I'm trying to say is that God gives you people. He gave me my family for my lifetime. He has given me people throughout my life to teach me something, to draw me closer to Him, to get me through a hard time, to just smile at me when I had a bad day, to help me out, to show me Jesus, to allow me to show Jesus, to just be with, to eat with, to spend late nights with, to plan with, to over analyze with, to argue with, to realize the person I do not want to be, and again, as always to teach me something. The amount of time that people have spent in my life ranges from a spit second encounter to years. When I was in Belgium I was terribly lost and I was with a woman a total of ten minutes and she possibly saved my life by getting me out of the rough part of town. She came into my life and just like that was gone. God uses people to fulfill purpose and I enjoy looking back to see the time when people came into my life and how God had it all perfectly worked out. 

My friend, Meghan, and I have known each other probably since we were born. Our moms are best friends so we went to each others birthday parties and church events growing up. We liked each other but I was too awkward at that point in my life (still am!) and she thought I never talked. We remained friend-acquaintances (fracquaintances?). The beginning of senior year I went with my mom to some sort of home party at their house. Amy (her sister and one of my dearest friends) and Meghan showed up as my mom and I were getting ready to go. Amy invited me to stay over. My immediate internal response was "no". That was out of my comfort zone to stay the night at anyone's house. I was definitely a home-body. Surprisingly though, I said yes. Meghan and I laugh about it now because she was thinking "Why is Amy asking her to spend the night when we hardly know her?" while I was thinking "Why is she asking me to spend the night when I hardly know them?". That night everything seemed to click. They thought I was hilarious (something I only thought Diane believed!) and I just loved everything about them.

Fast forward past numerous late nights, plenty of ice cream, dates at the lake, lots and lots of laughter, tears, drama, dance parties, sweat pants, Pride and Prejudice, lime green punch bugs, music videos, benches, a road trip, devotions, prayers, Owl City, a strange obsession with Christian pick up lines, and matching outfits and you have us now. Meghan came into my life when I needed her, when God knew that I needed her. I'm so thankful for this Christian sister that will tell me the truth in love, celebrate my victories, listen to my anxieties, pray with and for me, sit with me by the lake and just be there for me, be it by text, call or letter. 

She is proof, yet again, that I am so spoiled by my Father. For the last couple of years we have been planning/praying to go to Africa in 2013. Lord willing, we will be there in a year! God has broken both our hearts for the hurting and has put in us a desire to travel and share His love. I'm so blessed to have Meghan, even if we end up doing extremely ridiculous things (in public and private). I love her and I'm just so happy that I got to spend her 21st with her at our favorite place and doing our favorite things.

I'm so excited to see where God is going to take us both separately and together, He has such big plans! 

I can't wait till we're in the nursing home causing mayhem together. Everyone will still think we're crazy...even after all that time.

*CHEESE*

Where it all began.

We happen to enjoy some of the same clothes...

Our love of benches in incomparable

The best balm is friendship

She is the #1 reason I smile at my computer 

Location: Belgium and NY

Always my gorgeous date :)