Don't be a Jonah

A friend and I were talking about God's workings in our lives. I was explaining to him how I didn't expect to back in the city I grew up in. I thought God had other plans for me (preferably oversees). But God put me here. And it was somehow through that conversation that we came up with the motto "Don't be a Jonah". And it has stuck. I found a whale necklace from my childhood and began wearing that as a constant remember to not be a Jonah.

Don't get me wrong; I have had many a Jonah moments and God has shown me, like He did Jonah, the error of my way. But I love our motto and I love my reminder. God sometimes calls us to places and people where we really don't want to be or be with. But guess what, it all works out for His glory. I didn't want to come back but God shows me continually that He has plans for me here. He may want me here for a year, a couple of years or the rest of my life. All I have to do is wake up each morning and determine in my mind and heart that I will serve the Lord, regardless of what or who comes that day.

All of this is easier said than done, of course, but I draw comfort from the fact that God uses us even when we don't do His will. I was reading through the book of Jonah the other day when I realized that God used Jonah even when he was on the boat fleeing from God. All of the men on the boat worshiped God after they realized that it was Jonah's God who controlled the waters and made them both storm and stop. I thought to myself "huh, God used Jonah even when he was refusing to do what God wanted him to do." Those men on the boat believed in the One True God because of Jonah's fleeing. Had he not been there, they probably never would have seen the Lord's power. It is comforting to realize that the Lord will still use me when I screw up or have my Jonah moments.

So...don't be a Jonah (but remember that God uses us even then)!

All the Time

God is good.

All the Time!

All the time.

God is good!

I love saying this. Because you know what? God is so good! I could sing His praises all day long. But do I still praise Him when bad things happen?

Anyone who knows me right now knows how obsessed I am with Corrie Ten Boom. I am struck time and time again by her faith and just giving up her life and fully allowing God to take over. I want to be like her. I was listening to a radio theater about her and the man introducing her said he had visited her at her beautiful house in Holland. He looked at her and said "Corrie, God has been very good to you!" She frowned and (chiding him) said "God was still good when Betsie (her sister) died."

That got me thinking. I didn't think "God is good" on my worst days, only when things were going well. But I know in my heart that He is always good, I just don't thank Him as much as I should when things don't go my way. It's like when I was on the phone with my friend and, as she prayed, she thanked God for answering my prayer about Macedonia. I was indignant! Why are we thanking Him when He said no!? I praised Him for His will being done in my life but I didn't even think of thanking Him for giving me the answer I didn't want. But in the process of thanking Him for His answer, she convicted me.

And praise God for working in hearts! As I sat in my state exam for insurance licensing, I thought I might fail. One of the first thoughts that came to my mind was, God is still good, regardless of how this goes. And it has brought me a deeper understanding of my Savior. I'm so thankful for Him teaching me!

So I'll say, regardless of the situation, God is good!! All the time.

All the time.

Dear Krissy

There is something so special about a hand-written letter. The thought, time and heart all put into a little piece of paper just makes my heart burst! I can't tell you how much opening the mail box and seeing a familiar  hand-writing means to me. Here are some of the hand-writings that have stolen my heart. I wanted to share the happiness :)

I was so blessed when I was abroad to have a book with letters from loved ones at home (some of letters are in this post). Though I loved letters before, this affirmed my love for mail! These pictures aren't to brag about how many family/friends I have but rather to encourage taking that time to write that thought, seal it with a stamp and touch a life! We live such short lives, why not tell people how we really feel? Why not send a letter for them to reopen on a bad day and feel your love stretching from the past and reminding them of the present love?

 Let's just say I cried with that letter.

Brother's work such magic

My Dad's favorite saying: "I miss you, but my aim is getting better."

Little Deaths

Since becoming a Christian, one my deepest desires has been to die a martyr's death. I've dreamed and prayed about the moment that a gun is held to my head and I'm asked to deny Christ. This may stem from a strange fascination with death but I always have wanted to die for Christ. He gave His life for me, I wanted to give it back for Him. I've read through the Jesus Freak books by DC Talk, Foxes' Book of Martyrs and basically memorized the story of Polycarp. I am obsessed with the idea of people dying for something they believe it. It's a mighty powerful thing.

With the calling to go into overseas missions, I still believe the possibility is there to die for my faith. But, living in America, the risk of death for being a Christian is very small. I was thinking about persecutions in other countries and the blessings we have in our country when I was reminded (several times!) through Bible reading and thoughts being brought to mind, that, though I may never face a martyr's death, God has called me to die for Him daily.

"I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."

Galatians 2:20

"For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God."

Colossians 3:30

"When He had called the people to Himself, with His disciples also, He said to them, "Whoever desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel's will save it."

Mark 8:35-36

Again, my mind was blown. All of a sudden I was faced with the reality that I am to die continuously. I died initially when I became a Christian and since that point I've been asked to have a continual dying to self and living for Christ. We may not ever have a gun pointed to our head but we should die little deaths every day for the sake of the Cross. The little deaths can be anything from feeling left out, to being alone on a Friday night, to not having as many friends because of what we believe, or even being tired because we woke up early/went to bed late spending time with God. (I once heard a guy describe how ridiculous it sounds to "Make time for God". He said "How can we make time for the One that. made. time." I realized that all my time should always be for Him. I mean, after all, He did make time!) They also could be not getting into a relationship because you know it wouldn't be pleasing to God. Or avoiding that movie. Or not reading that book. It can be anything.The deaths range in severity, but they are what God has called us to do.

I was convicted that I didn't have to die a Martyr's death. Every day I can make that decision to die to myself and life for Christ. He may not ask me to lay down my life but He will ask me to lay down a lot of other things. And all of them will be my little deaths for Him.

Sunshine!

I didn't think that juggling a 9-5 job would be difficult with the way my life is right now. But it is. I'm tired. I am going to bed early. What is wrong with me!? I so appreciate those who go to work everyday. College did not prepare me for this. I got to take naps, stay up late, talk as much as I wanted. What exactly were they training me for anyway? :)

But I'll sure one of my birthday presents with you: a new bike! One I've always wanted. It has a wicker basket and I just bought a bell! Complete with a matching helmet. I'm in love.

I love riding it to work every morning and looking out across the river and appreciating the beautiful view God gives me each morning. I do not have a car right now so this works just fine. It is quite difficult to explain to people why I don't have a car. I realize, now, that it is definitely a privilege to drive. Insurance, repairs, gas; It's all expensive! Working this insurance business has made me very very thankful. I didn't even realize how blessed I was that my parent's have paid my insurance. More blessings to add to the list!

There is sunshine in my soul today,

More glorious and bright

Than glows in any earthly sky,

For Jesus is my Light

O there's sunshine, blessed sunshine,

When the peaceful, happy moments roll;

When Jesus shows His smiling face,

There is sunshine in the soul.

There is sunshine in my soul today,

For Jesus is my light.

My beautiful Momma

A dream come true!

I'll take it!

The day after I wrote my last blog entry I received a phone call offering me a job. I almost started to cry as God, yet again, showed how much He would take care of me.

I spent the spring and summer applying and praying. But mostly waiting. When people asked me how the job search was going I would say "It's going". When, in reality, I wanted to say "I'm waiting on God. I've trusted this to Him and He hasn't failed me yet, so...why would He now?" The Bible shows God, time and time again, being faithful to His people.

We often quote Jeremiah 29:11: "For I now the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." But do you know what it says after that? I didn't for a long time and, it was when I continued reading, that I understood the magnitude of this verse.

"Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord."

It is such a promise that, if we search for Him, we will find Him. If we pray, He will listen. So I have felt like I was doing trust falls all summer. I would worry and sometimes I would give it up to Him and other times I would try to take care of things myself. I was not letting "the peace of God" (Philippians 4:7) guard my heart. So He brought me through, teaching, loving and making the way way straight. Always putting in my mind the promise that "we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28).

Today was my first day on the job, working for an insurance company. Though this is not where I thought I would be (cue Proverbs 16:9) but there is where I need to be. I'll be able to live at home, volunteer in my community and pay off my loans. And I know that it is all part of the path God is leading me on.  I'm excited to see where God leads, cause I already gave it all to Him nine years ago when I became a Christian. But I'm nervous and kind of worried (still, why? I don't know) about this new adjustment. Change is hard and full of so many uncertainties and, let me tell you, I like my certainties. Here goes another trust fall...

"Unless the Lord builds the house, They labor in vain who build it' Unless the Lord guards the city, The watchman stays awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, To sit up late, To eat the bread of sorrows; For so He gives His beloved sleep." 

Psalms 127:1-2

When God says Stay

I feel like this entire blog has been an ode to my desire to go for God. Go to Belgium? Sure God. Go to Michigan? Of course! Send me. I'm your girl, God. Just tell me where I need to go. This song has been my anthem since it came out:

Chris Tomlin's I Will Go 

Where You go, I'll go

Where You stay, I'll stay

When You move, I'll move

I will follow...

All Your ways are good

All Your ways are sure

I will trust in You alone

Higher than my sight 

High about my life

I will trust in You alone (trust in You alone)

Where you go, I'll go

Where you stay, I'll stay

When you move, I'll move

I will follow You

Who You love, I'll love

How you serve, I'll serve 

If this life I lose, I will follow You, yeah

I will follow You

Light unto the world 

Light unto my life

I will live for you alone

You're the one I seek 

Knowing I will find

All I need in you alone, in You alone

Where you go, I'll go

Where you stay, I'll stay

When you move, I'll move

I will follow You

Who You love, I'll love

How you serve, I'll serve 

If this life I lose, I will follow you, yeah

I will follow You

In You there's life everlasting 

In You there's freedom from my soul

In you there's joy, unending joy

And I will follow

Where you go, I'll go

Where you stay, I'll stay

When you move, I'll move

I will follow You

Who You love, I'll love

How you serve, I'll serve 

If this life I lose, I will follow you, yeah

I will follow You

Aren't those lyrics wonderful? A testament to my God that I will go and do whatever He bids. But a couple of days ago I was singing along with my mom in the car and with all my heart I sang "Where you go, I'll go!" but my mouth dropped open and my heart shut up as soon as I realized the next words were "Where you stay, I'll stay." Boom. Those were the words that my heart didn't want to utter. All the books say to go out of your comfort zone and see how God provides. Go and see. I had just finished a wonderful book saying the same thing and I agreed (because that is what I want).

But what do we do (what do I do) when God says stay? The lyrics convicted me of the unwillingness in my heart. I told God I would go where He sent me but I never realized that, upon graduation, He would send me back home. I was telling a friend about this dilemma and she replied that maybe being back in my home city was God telling me to go. Go home. Change the city you grew up in. But God... don't you want me in Africa?! Risking my life and taking care of forty children? Is that not want you want... God? 

I thought I would only visit my home city because no one moves back. It lacks the twenty-something age group and all there is to do at night is go out to bars. I love my family and church family, it has nothing to do with them. I just thought God wanted me more where the action was. In other countries or big cities! But God has such a wonderful way of changing hearts and mine has slowly (and let me repeat...slowly) been changing to accepting God's plan for me for today. And that is to stay. Tomorrow it may change or it might change in five years. I do not know but I know that these verses were recently put into my mind and heart for a reason:

""For my thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," 

says the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, 

So are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts. 

For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, And do not return there,

 But water the earth, And make it bring forth and bud, 

That it may give seed to the sower And bread to the eater, 

So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, But it shall accomplish what I please, And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.""

Isaiah 55:8-11

His ways and thoughts are higher than mine and I have to trust Him and know that His way is better. It is perfect. But it is difficult to tell people, when they ask what my plans are, that I don't really have plans. I made plans and God said No. But it is okay because

 "A man's heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps." Proverbs 16:9

So next time maybe, just maybe I'll sing all the words with all my heart and thank God that I am here in this city for His glory. And I just pray that I can stay in His will, wherever that may be, and worship him with every act, every word and every thought. I can be any where in the world as long as I am in His will. And it is there that I always want to be.

"The Lord will perfect that which concerns me."

Psalms 138:8

"But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord; I say, "You are my God. My times are in Your hand.""

Psalms 31:14

So I'll stay. And be thankful for the wonderful family and friends God has put in my life here, in my city. With so many blessings He just keeps making me realize how much He wants me to stay.

Waiting For Caleb

God teaches us in amazing ways. This particular lesson was brought on as I struggled with a crush I had on a 17 year-old.

Before you jump to conclusions and label me a creep, let me explain. When I say "crush" I simply mean that I hold a guy in higher fondness than other guys. I'm not in love with him, but I do love him.

Let me introduce you to Caleb. God blessed me with an amazing friend in Michigan. You may remember Emily from this post. Caleb is Emily's younger brother and the sweetest guy you'll ever meet. He reminds me a lot of my sister, Stephanie, with his quiet yet sincere and attentive actions. Last summer I remember watching across the table as he whispered to an elderly woman, asking if she would like coffee. She replied that she would. He then asked if she would like a thin or thick handle on the cup. He asked her which would be easier on her hand. I was shocked. I appreciate the way he cares for his siblings, is attentive to the elderly and listens to everyone.

So that is Caleb. As I was considering my crush on this wonderful guy and affirming that it was harmless and that we had, in fact, signed contracts that we would be siblings. Forever. I laughed at myself and then BAM. God moment. He uses me even when I'm absolutely ridiculous. This thought came to me: "If I knew I would marry Caleb in five or even ten years...wouldn't I wait? Would I even look at any other guys if he was the one for me? Would I worry about God sending him or pine over my age if I knew he was coming?"

duhh. Of course not.

I never thought of that before. I would gladly wait ten, twenty, thirty or even forty years to be with the person God intended me to be with. A secret dream of mine is to be married (happily) for 50 years. My grandparents did it and I remember attending their "Golden Anniversary" party. And wanting my own. But if it is not right then I don't want the 50 years. I'll wait 50 years to spend a year with the man intended for me. And I mean that. I will wait.

But there is no guarantee that Caleb or any other guy will be there at the end of that wait. When I gave my life to Christ, He guaranteed that He would never leave me. He didn't guarantee that he would send me a guy at the age of 21 or make me rich or provide me with every earthly thing that I desire. He never said that. The more I grow in Christ, the more I realize (over and over again) how awesome He is. I am convinced that His desires and plans are better than mine. I know that if I follow Him, then my life will be everything it is meant to be. With a man or without a man, I will be content in my Savior being fulfilled truly and only through him.

I have been asked multiple times why I have never had a boyfriend. Most of the time someone else answers for me stating "She's waiting for the right one". I am thankful for someone else answering that question cause I'm sick of it. It infers that there is something wrong with me or I'm not complete without a man. And I'm complete in Christ.

But I always want to correct the person and tell them that I am not waiting. Waiting implies that I'm not doing everything I should until he arrives. Years ago I was asked the question "How would you act if you knew you wouldn't get married for the next five years? What would you do?" And it was from that point on that I decided I would not wait for a man. I really don't know God's plans for me. Maybe I'm not to marry. Would I then spend my whole life waiting for nothing? I will wait for One.

"Wait on the Lord;

Be of good courage,

And He shall strengthen your heart; 

Wait, I say, on the Lord!"

Psalms 27:14

The way I view the "wait" until my (maybe) marriage is one where I'm running a race with the goal being Christ. He is the one I'm following and I'll continue doing that until the day I die and He calls me home. When (and if) I meet the guy God has for me, he better come running along next to me on the same path with the same goal. He'll be third-wheeling my relationship with Jesus because there is no way he is coming and taking His place. When he comes though he better bring a nice bottle of water to encourage me on my way. Because that is what we will be doing for each other. We will be each other's water; hydrating, renewing and reminding. 

So I'm going to run my race and if he joins me, I will thank God with all my heart and be forever grateful. But if he doesn't come then I'll continue my race just as before, with Jesus by my side sustaining me with the eternal water.

So I'll wait for Caleb who, at this point, represents an awesome Christian guy I could end up with. (I mean God wouldn't show me an amazing guy and give me something less...it can only get better! That means it's gonna be pretty good!) But my wait will be what I just described. I'm going to continue this race. Come join me when God tells you to, my man.

When can I meet with my God?

I enjoyed such a nourishing week at camp in Oklahoma. I was in the middle zone of being a camper while also working at the camp. I loved it because I was always busy doing something. I did all the camper activities and also helped with Kitchen Patrol. There were so many moments during the classes, sermons or even conversations where I felt God pricking my heart. I love the pricks. They may be uncomfortable but oh what wonderful change they bring!

I love worshiping. I love it in song and in life. A continual sacrifice of praise to my Lord and King. During one of the worship services the leader read Psalms 42 as a moment of meditation. I have sung the song "As the Deer" multiple times and I love it. But for some reason, on that day, the words struck me as he read

"My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with my God?"

"When can I meet with my God?" What an amazing question. Do I ask that? Do I yearn for it? My time with my Lord. Am I thirsty? Does my soul pant for his presence?

I usually have my quite time at night but at camp it had to happen in the morning while everyone was still sleeping or getting around. I found myself yearning for it. When I didn't have my time with my Lord I felt off. I knew the week would have its difficulties for a variety of reasons and because of this, my quiet time was even more important. As he read the verse I realized that I had never heard it that way before. My version reads differently. Not drastically but enough so that this one caught my eye. For the rest of the week I would ask When can I meet with my God? as I walked to my secluded spot. And I realize how awesome it is that we can enter into His presence and meet with Him. We don't need a high priest nor an appointment. He is always there just waiting for us.

I was convicted that I need to have my quiet time in the morning so it guides the rest of my day. Because I can enter into the presence of the One who means everything to me. My All. My Everything. And He wants me too. Is this for real? Can life get any better?

"When can I meet with my God?"

I'm Back!

Hi Friends!

I left without saying good bye and for that I must apologize. I haven't written in a month and it is because I haven't been home in a month. I left June 7th for my cousin's wedding in Michigan (that makes four weddings  in two years that I have been a part of!). From there I hung out with the Avinks and the Youngs for a week in Grand Rapids, Julia for a couple of days in Ohio, Bill and DeeDee in Texas for a littler over a week and then a Christian Camp in Oklahoma for a week. We made the 30 hour trip and safely arrived Sunday morning around one. I just summed up a month in a sentence. There are stories and pictures and God moving my heart and all sorts of things. They are coming. But for right now I'm catching up on a month's worth of sleep. Talk to you soon!

I got to spend a week hanging out with my favorite twin. I am one. blessed. woman.

I AM DONE!

Thank you, Jesus! I am done! Got my degree...now it is time to save the world!!!

Color Run!

I celebrated my last day of classes by going on a color run!! Woot woot!

You can tell who I am in the group shots because I have a band on my right knee. I started the day off by getting in a fight with the sidewalk. The sidewalk won. I have Dean Streeter as my witness. I'm still not sure what hurt most...my knee or my pride. The day only went up from there!

 Kazia and Haley!

My running partners Chrissy and Ellie

I'll be graduation from this very spot in eleven days!

Click here to watch the COLOR RUN CLOUD!!

Let Me Shine Like the Moon

Lord, let me shine, shine like the moon

A reflection of You in all that I do

Lord, let me be a light for Your truth

Light of the world, I wanna be used to shine for You

A beautiful New York Moon

"The Heavens declare the glory of God; And the firmament shows His handiwork."

Psalms 19:1