Happy Birthday, Mom :)

I am convinced that half of my page views come from my mom. I don't tell her when I update the blog but she always seems to know and texts me after she reads it telling me that she enjoyed it. She is my greatest cheerleader and, along with my dad, has applauded each accomplishment and encouraged each failure, stating that my life will always be in God's hands and that whatever happens will be His Will. I'm so thankful to God that she is my mother. Growing up, I did not realize that I would soon reach an age where my mother would become my friend. I've always had a great relationship but it became different when I became an adult and I love talking to her honestly, knowing that she isn't judging and even if she couldn't understand...she tries to . She has encouraged me to go where I feel God leads, even if it is far from home. Even if everyone deserted  me (that would never happen), I could count on her to stand by and uphold me in her prayers and words. She has been my (and still is) my Christian example, teacher, advice giver, bad back-rub giver, listener, mentor, cheerleader, paper editor (those last minute papers definitely need someone else to check and make sure they made sense!), dearest friend, uplifter and encourager. 

This crazy woman (along with my father) thought it was a great idea to have four children and have my mom stay home with them. God had different plans and sent twins (my dad likes to tell me that I wasn't planned) so, with five children under five, my parents raised us to be the people we are today.

I'm so thankful for my childhood filled with the sweetest memories of a crazy house with two young parents. I couldn't thank God enough for my mom who freely gives of herself, not only for her family, but for anyone who needs it and radiates the love of Jesus when she walks in the room.

She will blush to read this but it is true I wouldn't be Krissy without Penny in my life.

I love you Mom, happy birthday, you young thing!

I picked this particular picture because I'm wearing her wedding dress. Before I left for Belgium she thought it would be fun to have me try it on. I'm not sure if she thought I would die or what but it is a special picture of me, my mom and her wedding dress :)

Full Circle

Khloe and I settled down on the couch TWO HOURS AGO to write this post (Khloe wasn't going to be contributing today). I got distracted. And by distracted I mean like "wow, I can't stop reading!!!!". The internet on my computer went so as I waited for it to load I continued to read a book that I just. can't. put down. How am I supposed to deal with this sensory overload?! Oh right, it is because both my brain and body have been fighting with each other these last couple of weeks and are finally coming to terms with each other. That is what's happening...

My best friend (who actually was my date to my most recent wedding engagement) sent me this link: friendationships and my mind was blown! I felt like this woman and I were the same person...it was really weird. I loved spending the last two hours getting to know her. She is a couple years older than I and works for Compassion International. Her blog is open and honest and she loves Jesus, what could be better?

Now that I have told you about her, I am going to put in another plug for the book I'm reading. I follow OwlCity's official blog even though I still struggle with a little bitterness towards Adam. My heart was sold after meeting him and I have been trying to get over him since! Oh, but it is so wonderful to have met a Christian musician who actually seems real. I'm so thankful for the experience and I pray that he continues on the path God has planned for him. Anyway...back in December, Adam blogged about Deitrich Bonhoeffer. This wasn't the first time I had heard the name (thank you History 235: Nazi Germany) so I kept his name in the back of my mind as I made my way through the semester. Today I made it to the library to find Desiring God, a book recommended by both Adam and a friend (this friend is actually real and active as a relationship in my life....unlike Adam....sometimes I really have problems haha, oh I'm such a dreamer). However, I could not find it so I browsed through the new book section. That is when I saw Bonhoeffer's face and was thrown back to December where I promised myself to read more about this influential Christian man who stood up against the Nazis. It is a heavy read but I'm so excited to continue this book and journey with Bonhoeffer.

I'm truly sorry that I did not write sooner. This semester was easily my worst and I am so thankful to God that I passed International Trade (thank you Kristen!!) and managed to survive, in one way or another (always the dramatic). I didn't realize when I boarded the plane in August what wonderful relationships awaited me. They were like presents in my life just waiting to be opened. I still get this fluttery feeling in my chest when I think of the ways God showed himself to me the four months in Belgium. As I boarded that plane I was seated next to a friend of a friend. We knew each other but hadn't had the opportunity to develop our relationship. I sat next to her and (being the dork that I am) told her that in four months we would be sitting next to each other with so many experiences behind us... "Imagine what will happen, who we will meet!?" She nodded, smiled her sweet smile and agreed that it would be very weird in four months to look back at what taken place. I didn't realize though how close we would get and how many experiences she and I would have together. I was/am so thankful for her friendship abroad. She and Julia got me through my sickness and inability to do ANY academic work (you remember those struggles, don't you?!)

This is Kristen and I, August 22nd, 2012. Please remember that I had just cried my eyes out. It was a rough day. But I can officially say that this is the day Kristen and I became "friends".

December 17th, 2012. Okay I post this picture with hesitation because it is not our best. The flash caused both of eyes to go blinky and I had only slept ten minutes. We had both just RAN to our plane because the airline bumped us off the flight. I almost cried. Wait, I did cry. Then they found us tickets and told us to run. ooo I look so attractive plus I have probably five pounds of face fat (something I coined because in my family when we gain weight it is first in the face and you CANNOT tell until you look at pictures...it is dreadful. At least I could tell if my pants didn't fit. Nope, I need a face measurer to find out if I'm gaining weight). It was the Belgium chocolate...and the Dutch food....and the Bible Studies at Bill and DeeDee's place. I blame them :)

The point of these two pictures (besides comparing how four months in a foreign country can wreck your body!) is to show our "full circleness" and how it related even to this semester for Kristen and I. On the flight home Kristen and I did sit next to each other (after we convinced someone to move for a while because a certain someone was bumped to first-class [Kristen] while I was back in economy living the dream) and we talked about how four months ago we had no idea what would happen and who we would meet, etc. It was the epitome of a full circle and it blew my mind even if I was expecting it since August. 

Sunday night I took pictures off of my wall as Kristen took down my glow-in-the-dark stars (I will always have them regardless of how how I am). She mentioned how we were again at full circle because at the beginning of the semester she had joined the "work party" formed by friend to make my room look/feel more like home. During that time Kristen designed the constellations on my ceiling, allowing me to be surprised each night as I turned off the light and looked up to see the "Great Sky" (I want either glow in the dark stars or a sky light for my future house/hut/whatever building God puts me in). She put them up in January and took them down in May and stuck with me during the months in between. It was a blessing having her because we could reminisce about Belgium, the people, the stories and the memories. I didn't have to worry about bothering her by saying "Belgium this" and "Belgium that". We converted our friends to the love of speculoos and pulled all-nighters together while she kept tabs on my eye condition and the fact that my body and mind have been in a constant battle since leaving the US in August. 

It is funny how, even though this was a really rough semester, things ended well. Our school has this brilliant idea of Senior Week. The week after finals Seniors hang out and have events scheduled each day till they graduate. Some of us lucky people (aka RAs) have to stay to close the dorms. At first it seems like an inconvenience till you realize how awesome it is to stay on campus to SLEEP (a concept most students forget about come finals) and hang out with friends without the guilt of a paper to do or test to study for. Last year I had the best time just hanging out with various friends and doing whatever we wanted to do or nothing at all! My favorite day of Senior week consisted of spending the day with two of my best friends; we just hung out in the sun and took pictures while walking around campus (I have a LAKE a minute from my dorm). That night I went with them and two other friends to an African Orphan Choir concert at the church I go to up at school. I almost died at that concert, it was so perfect. My friend (who knows me so well) looked at me at the conclusion of the concert and said "After I saw them before I wanted to go to Africa, and I never had that desire. Here you are and you've wanted to go....you must be ready to board that plane." I cheesed at him and probably said something unintelligible because that is what happens when Krissy gets excited. She claps her hands and smiles till her cheeks can't do it anymore and her eyes have thousands of crows' feet. The group of us then got ice cream and watched Pride and Prejudice. It was a wonderful night doing some of my favorite things with some of my favorite people. 

The senior week this year involved different people but still such sweet memories. Though, almost a year after saying good bye as he graduated, I got to see my friend who stood by me at the African concert and understood my babbling excitement. We've kept in contact but it was weird to have him on campus. Again, it was like full circle and we were back a year earlier saying good bye to each other as he entered "post-grad world" and I packed up my life for Belgium. His timing was perfect as I was discouraged from a rough semester and honestly, from not having enough time with the love of my life, Jesus. What I appreciated about the conversations we had (though I'm sure he thought/thinks I am depressed) is that they were centered around God and His workings in our lives. I don't know if he was on an encouragement mission but that is what he brought to me. You see, regardless of how this semester was (it was good overall ....just God was teaching me some things), God used it and will continue to use it for his glory. I can rest easy in that. For "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you...." Jeremiah 1:5 

Finals

I struggle every semester around finals. My "last minute" personality gets me into trouble, but somehow I survive. I don't know how I do....I always go into finals thinking that it might be the death of me (dramatic much?) but then it never is...

I also struggle with my ever present urge to complain and the small voice in the back of my head that keeps saying "You're so lucky....so very lucky". Because, despite all of my complaining about not sleeping and having stress, I'm going to school. I'm living the life countless people only wish they had. My biggest problem for the next four days is to check all the assignments off my list. Really? That is not a big problem in comparison with what other people are going through. It is all about the perspective. Who really cares if I fail this. God uses every opportunity and regardless of what I do (though I try my best), His will will be done in my life. It is out of my hands and into God's.

So when I get that (constant) urge to complain, I just have to remember that wow, I'm a truly lucky girl.

When you wait till the last minute...

I have the worst habit of waiting. If I get an assignment, I most likely won't even look at it until the day before it it is due. I work better under pressure. I always have and always will. I just can't stand it when no one understands this :)

This is not a post about how wonderful I am, I just think that the world needs to know about people like me: Incubators.

My older sister sent my mom an email with a link and the phrase "I'm pretty sure 4 of your 5 kids are incubators". Incubators?! Curious, I opened the link, unknowing what it would share about me (I'll read anything that might explain my personality or habits....anything about youngest children I have probably read time and time again), I opened the link and my eyes were open.

The article discussed the differences between Procrastinators and Incubators. Everyone knows who a procrastinator is, but what is an incubators? There is a checklist to figure out if you are an incubator or not:

Taken from this article: http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/worklife/02/16/o.procrastinator.or.incubator/index.html

4 - Perfectly describes me
3 - Describes me somewhat
2 - Does not really describe me
1 - Does not describe me at all

A.___ I always get my work completed on time.
B.___ The quality of my work is superior.
C.___ It takes a looming deadline to motivate me.
D.___ When I finally get to work, I feel highly engaged.
E.___ I surprise myself by moving into action at the last minute.
F.___I do my best work under pressure

If you scored a 20 or higher, you may be an incubator.

Incubators are different from procrastinators in the fact that they purposefully put off work. They watch movies, visit with friends and enjoy the day, knowing that the deadline will kick them into action.

It has taken me quite some time to accept this about myself. I use to scold myself for every late night I pulled  because I used my time in other "activities". I would call my parents crying (I know I'm 21, but sometimes a girl just has to cry) bemoaning the fact that "I always do this to myself....wahhh". Now, it is to the point where they don't listen to me because they know this is how I function. One day when I was in Belgium I had the entire day off. I also had a paper due the next day. When did I start the paper? Ten pm. Why? If I had started it at ten am then it would have taken me all day. However, I started it so late that I could push all my creative/academic juices 100% into a small period of time. That, and a lot of prayer and I have survived every paper. Never underestimate the power of prayer. God cares even about the little things.

The phrase I have begun to (academically) live by is something my twin brother has said to me multiple times. Being my older brother (by a mere nine minutes!), he is always right. I should probably question my siblings more but they're all just so smart....they have to know what they are talking about! Anyway, sorry for the rant, he always says "If you wait to the last minute, it only takes a minute." Genius. Words to live by.

This has been my anthem throughout my academic career. It was no different when I had a research paper due this last Friday. I started researching at 7pm, went to bed at 2:30am, woke up 5:30am, researched till 7am and then had that 8 page research paper done by 11:30am. Arnold Palmer and prayer got me through the paper. I was talking with a friend in class and told her what I had done (chuckling guiltily...I must sound so ridiculous to those who share this life with me). The guy behind me was like "WHAT!?" I quoted Josiah and said "If you wait till the last minute, it only takes a minute." There was a pause as those sitting in the room (the professor had yet arrived) processed what I said. I saw the light turn on in his eyes as he said "That makes so much sense" (cue agreement laughter across the room). I was happy to prove a point and show that not everything I did proved to be a bad idea but as I turned around I had to cringe. I was hoping that people would not start following my way of life. It works but it is stressful and full of sleep-deprivation. It also only works for some people. I thrive under pressure whereas some of my friends freeze. I hope I don't cause a movement of people "only taking a minute" for important assignments. oops.

I posted the article on my facebook page and a lot of people commented on how "this is so me!". We finally have a title. We are real people that usually end up in jobs that demand the ability to work well under pressure and deadlines. We are the people that respond quickly to changes and flourish under stress. Give or take a little. I'm not preaching this way of living, I'm simply explaining my life and how I'll never get the sleep one needs on a daily basis. And I know, I just know that I am not alone in this.

?

If not now, then when?

ruffruffruff ruffruffrufffruff (Means welcome home in dog)

Remember my blog about Khloe when I was in Belgium? This was the welcome I got when I came home after being gone for four months. *true love*

Easter All-Year Long

Sometimes I feel a bit sacrilegious because I don't put much stock into holidays. Christmas? Yes, that is important. Easter? Of course! But I feel that these are events that God wishes us to remember more than once a year. The holidays give us an amazing opportunity to reflect upon everything that has been done for us, but if the holidays are the only times we reflect, then we're missing some of God's blessings in our lives.

We have always celebrated Easter at my house but we were always reminded that we celebrates Christ's life, death and resurrection every Sunday when we partake of Communion. With the cracker we are reminded of the body that was broken for us and with the grape juice we consider the pure blood that did away with all other sacrifices. Every week I am reminded of what God has done for me. Throughout the week I am reminded (though I wish I reminded myself more!) of how God looked down and loved me. He saw me before I was even born, knowing everything that I would do and yet, he still loved me.

This year I thought more about what the disciples were going through. I was eating dinner Saturday night and said "If I was a disciple when Jesus died, this would be the worst night of my life." My dad responded that Friday night, at the crucifixion, would have been the worst night of their lives. Hurt, lost and confused, the disciples left Jesus alone to bear the weight of the world. I try to imagine what they must have gone through and it makes me feel sick. They didn't understand that Jesus was coming back! They were confused as to what kingdom he was bringing to this earth. Wasn't he supposed to be king? And rule over all the world? How could he do that if he was just hung on a cross? To imagine the despair they were feeling, oh. I remember sitting at camp in a class for the high school students. We were reading through the scenes of Jesus' betrayal and trial and though I had heard/read it numerous times since I was born, I felt like I was hearing this part for the first time: "But Peter said, "Man, I do not know what you are saying!" Immediately, while he was still speaking, the rooster crowed. And the Lord turned and looked at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how He had said to him, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times." So Peter went out and wept bitterly." Luke 22:60-62. Matthew and Mark do not mention Jesus' turning towards Peter. I vividly remember sitting there, hearing that part and chills going through my body (as they are right now). What was the look on His face? The feeling in Peter's heart? I would have wanted to kill myself. To see your best friend's eyes and know that you have betrayed him.

Peter felt what we have all done. What I have done. I betrayed Him. I was that voice in the crowd yelling "Crucify Him!", I was that soldier with the whip, and I put the nail in His hand. Yet, He forgave and loved and saved. When I get to Heaven, I want to feel the holes in His Hands and the piercing in His side, but most importantly I want to look into the eyes that showed love, pain, disappointment, joy, anger and forgiveness while He walked the earth. His beautiful eyes that penetrate the soul and bring Heaven into the hearts of man.

So this last Sunday, this next Sunday and all the ones after that (with the days in between!) I'll remember the worst day in history where everything seemed lost... not knowing that Sunday was coming, bringing about the best thing to happen to man: Jesus' resurrection.